I’m the Breadwinner & Expect My Husband To Spend Money Exactly the Way I Tell Him To

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For families with one parent who works and another who stays home, there is often a division of labor and expenses. The parent who works provides funding for the family's needs while the parent at home takes care of the home, children, and chores. No two families are alike, and everyone must find a balance that works.

Sometimes, animosity develops between couples, no matter what job a spouse has. Money is a common source of disagreement, and one woman took her situation to Reddit's AITA forum, wondering if she was wrong to be upset with her husband.

She's the breadwinner, but he stays home and takes charge of the budget. Their daughter will be in school next year, and he's unwilling to allocate money from his expenses for her lunches. Is she overacting by thinking this is unfair?

The couple seems to have a pretty regimented lifestyle.

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The original poster explained that money is split in threes. "My income is divided to 1/3 for our mortgage, 1/3 for our household daily expenses, the rest to our daughter's education + vacation + emergency savings. Our household daily expenses is managed by my husband which includes food, baby items, utilities etc. And I told him he is free to use the remains of every month."

She wrote that her daughter is getting ready to start school, and she'd like to take money from the household budget for her lunch, but her husband said that wouldn't work as there aren't enough funds to pay for school lunches.

OP was upset and told him maybe he should cut back on his drinking.

Apparently, OP's husband likes to spend money on booze and his sister. OP doesn't like the drinking or her SIL, and she thinks this is a bad situation. Even though things seemed to be sorted out in the budget, she wants to change and thinks her husband should be amicable while they figure it out.

She asked, "I know I told him he is free to spend any remainings of the household budget as he pleases, but refusing to contribute to our daughter's school lunch money is tipping me off. AITA?"

Right off the bat, this situation caused big feelings among Redditors.

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Some believe OP is totally off base and think she's being a jerk.

"YTA If money is free for him to spend you have no right to lash out on what he spends it on," one person wrote. "It's borderline financial abuse – YTA. If he has a drinking problem and you're happily leaving him in sole custody of your child – YTA."

"YTA — this post is intentionally confusing. How much money are we talking about?" another person questioned. "Is he spending small amounts on thoughtful gifts or supporting her? Are you just jealous? Why is lunch not a household expense?"

Others think OP's frustration is justified.

Some Redditors sided with OP and understood why she is upset.

One person agreed lunch is an important expense. "NTA. You're right to be frustrated that your husband is refusing to contribute to essential expenses for your daughter while spending on non-essentials like alcohol and supporting someone you don't like," the person wrote. "You've clearly communicated the budget and expectations, and it's reasonable to expect contributions to essential family expenses."

And this person believes OP is being taken advantage of, writing, "OMG, you are being taken for a ride. Why are you married to this man? You can pay an accountant to do a better job than he does with partitioning and managing your money. NTA."

It appears the couple worked things out.

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OP updated her post and wrote that she and her husband sat down to talk things out and have come to a bit of an agreement.

"Thank you, readers, especially those who advised to sit down and have a financial conversation. We did and we had a very civilised conversation (not so much here in this thread, unfortunately) Long story short, we came into terms that he will partly contribute to the lunch money while another part will come out from the other 1/3 (education, savings etc)," she explained.