Our homes are sacred spaces, and we don't necessarily want people encroaching on them at will. Sure, it's OK to have guests once in a while, but there aren't a lot of people out there who want to have someone couch surfing in their living room all the time. One woman certainly doesn't.
She posted in Reddit's AITA Forum asking if it's wrong to be aggravated with her brother-in-law for constantly being at her home and treating it like it is his own. What's even more frustrating is that she has complained to her husband numerous times, but he has no backbone and doesn't do anything about it.
Not surprisingly, it all came to a head, and she said some passive-aggressive things to her BIL, and her husband thinks she was out of line. But does she have to apologize when she is just speaking the truth?
The BIL has made crashing at their house a habit.
The OP's BIL shows up unannounced whenever he wants and starts acting like he lives there. He eats their food, throws his stuff all around the house, and even takes showers. OP is over it. The funny thing is, so is her husband, but he does nothing about to stop it.
"My husband has complained several times about it," she wrote. "Says he is 'f—ing fed up' with the fact that his brother can't even be bothered to ask to come over and just shows up. Says he is absolutely sick of constantly dealing with it and at least once a week says he will have a talk with his brother on at least asking first prior to coming over."
She added that the biggest issue is that they can't sleep in their "birthday suits" because he is around, and she feels she should be able to do whatever she wants in her own home.
The last time her BIL showed up, OP had had enough.
True to form, BIL came in and made himself at home. Oh, he has his own house, which makes this even more infuriating to OP.
OP started dropping hints, "'You gonna go pick me up some wine on your dollar since you ate my food and used my hot water?' 'You gonna help with our electric bill since you're hear at least 3 days a week?'" she wrote that she said.
BIL started saying, "you have a f—ing problem, and that's not my problem."
Woah.
Then he told OP that she was making him uncomfortable, and she said, "Oh, you're uncomfortable? Good. I'm glad you are. Because that's how it feels to me whenever you walk in to this house unannounced."
OP's husband is no help.
He thinks she was too harsh but didn't do anything to stand up to him or defend her. She thinks this is because her BIL is a recovering addict and has made his brother feel some responsibility for his addiction. Her doesn't talk to his brother for fear that he might "spiral."
Redditors aren't thrilled with the BIL.
Plenty of Redditors think that the BIL has been overstepping and that using his addiction as an excuse is not OK.
"If you excuse the AH behavior of every person who has trauma or mental illness, not a single person in the world would be held accountable for their wrongdoings," one person wrote. "I'd prefer to live in a world where people are responsible for their own healing and held accountable when their lack of boundaries creates unnecessary strife for the people in their life."
Others warned that dealing with a heroin addict can be dangerous.
"Nope. All the initial reasons were enough to ban him but when you mentioned heroin … absolutely not. I lived in New Orleans for a year or so and that s— is rampant there," someone else commented. "Saw someone collapse from an overdose right in front of me, used to find needles all over the place at the bar I worked at … hell no. I do not fool with heroin addicts. Active or recovering. Don't let him back in your house."
People aren't giving OP's husband a pass, either.
Redditors thinks OP's husband is to blame and needs to stand up to his brother and respect his wife's wishes.
"NTA but your husband is for having zero backbone and not telling his brother off for saying that to you and then kicking his a– out," one person wrote.
"How dense and/or just plain stupid is your husband?" someone else asked "Tell him stop or he can stay with his brother. This is honestly one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Your husband is an idiot."
"Your husband is the problem. Full stop. He needs to take responsibility for this," another person commented. "He is harming your relationship. He is harming your mental wellbeing. If he can't put on his big-boy pants on his own, he needs therapy so he can learn how to do so."
OP, it's your house, and it should be your rules.
Yes, it sucks that your husband will have to confront his brother, but he is obviously taking advantage of the situation, and none of this is fair to any of you. You are giving up your ability to be comfortable in your own home, and your BIL isn't learning anything about respect or boundaries.
Redditors think that even though it won't be easy, your husband needs to confront his brother and put a hard stop to this nonsense. And if he can't do that, you may need to put a hard stop to him and your relationship.
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