Bringing home a new baby is stressful, especially when it is your first. There are a whole lot of unknowns. Baby is getting used to the outside world and parents are getting used to caring for another life full time. It can be really overwhelming, and it's definitely not a time for undue stress. One woman opened up on Reddit about wanting her baby's homecoming to be as smooth as possible, and that evidently does not involve her husband's parents.
She let her husband know that she does not want her in-laws to stay with them for the first two weeks of her baby's life. Her husband disagrees, but her fellow Reddit users totally get it.
She explained that the house was not big enough for all of them.
The woman explained in her post on Reddit's AITA forum that their house was simply not big enough for five people, including a new baby. Plus, his parents can be a bit overbearing. She also said that they could afford to pay for accommodations elsewhere.
"His parents have plenty of money and can easily afford a nice hotel β they are NOT in a hard financial situation," she wrote.
Her husband just doesn't get it.
The wife also explained that she understands that his parents want to see the new baby and that she is happy to have them come as early as they would like and stay as long as they like during the day, but they are not welcome as overnight guests.
The wife believes this is a reasonable compromise, but her husband has continued to ask, "Why can't they just stay in the guest room?"
Mothers who have given birth empathized with the wife's struggle.
Other Reddit users shared their experiences and explained that being tired, young, and naive caused them to make poor decisions after giving birth. Some suggested that unwanted guests β not on purpose β often can be a nuisance when trying to care for a newborn baby.
"My husband's family showed up 10 days after I had a c section, cause I was young and dumb. I made up the guest room for SIL and BIL, and made arrangements for MIL to sleep on the couch," one mom explained.
"Then MIL was holding my daughter, and she started crying, cause she was a breastfed newborn and was hungry," the commenter continued. "I went to take her and MIL (not malicious, just super ignorant) wouldn't hand her over. I had to pull out the tiger mom voice (NOW!) cause baby was crying, milk had dropped, and I AM THE MOTHER."
Others don't get why anyone would want to stay with a family with a newborn.
Let's be honest. If you have ever been around a newborn, you know that it is absolutely exhausting. Life in those early days involves constant crying, feeding, diapers, and just plain work. It can be taxing on even the most experienced parent.
"And also: babies wake up in the night. HUGE upside to the hotel is that the (older) grandparents get to retreat to a quiet place and a full nights sleep," one commenter suggested.
Some people, however, think that having help might be nice.
Are extra hands wanted with a new baby? Of course, if the visitors are willing to pitch in! Any new mom or dad is happy to have a break now and then. And even if it is just to enjoy a cup of coffee in peace, having a loving set of arms to lay a baby in is a definite bonus.
"I was absolutely so thankful my MIL offered to stay the first two weeks with us," one comment read. "I understand we don't have a typical relationship and I am closer with her than my own mother. My husband also couldn't take anytime off work and I was bedridden β so extenuating circumstances."
But many agreed that having overnight guests when a baby arrives is a hard pass.
Most Redditors said that guests should stay out of the way β perhaps at a hotel β and visit during the day and that it is not the responsibility of a new mom to host anyone.
Commenters pointed out that it is the mom's job to take care of her baby and herself and not worry about anyone else. If her husband wants to entertain guests, that is on him.
"Don't be afraid to 'nap with the baby' during their visit either," one person suggested. "If you get overwhelmed, tell them that baby needs a nap and you're feeling drained/in pain/whatever and take the baby to your bedroom and lock the door for an hour."
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