My Sister Wants Me To Sign a ‘Code of Conduct’ With Dress Code To Host Thanksgiving at My Own Home

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Holidays are supposed to be a joyous time. You get to take time off work. You eat and rest and catch up with relatives you may not have seen in a while. And for some people, therein lies the problem. No one has the power to work your nerves like family.

Never is this more apparent than when you’re forced to be in a room with these people. As Thanksgiving approaches, two sisters are arguing about whether the holiday should be casual and loose or strict and regimented. One of them took the debate to the unbiased readers on Reddit.

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The Redditor has been hosting Thanksgiving for several years.

The 32-year-old woman and Reddit user shared that for the past five years, she’s been hosting her family for Thanksgiving dinner. By her own admission, things always a “little messy and chaotic.” This year, her younger sister decided that she wanted to “help bring some order” to the day.

Initially, the OP, the big sister, thought she just meant coordinating which family member would bring which dish and helping to clean up afterward. Sadly, she was wrong. Last week, her younger sister came by with printed copies of “The Family Code of Conduct.”

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Her sister presented a doc for the entire family to sign.

via GIPHY

The list of rules, which were to be signed before attending the gathering, included the following highlights, according to the post:

• A rule against “overlapping conversations” at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like “a respectful debate club.”
• A “ban on political or controversial topics,” with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
• A dress code of “smart casual” because “holiday photos should reflect well on the family.”
• Assigned seating that she claimed was based on “optimal personality compatibility.”

When the OP looked over the code, she laughed and said to her sister, “You can’t be serious.” The sister was offended and accused her older sister of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” The OP told her that if she wanted to enforce these rules, she should be the one to host — at her home.

The younger sister doubled down and called the OP stubborn and ungrateful. As a result, the OP decided to cancel hosting Thanksgiving this year.

The whole situation has created drama.

The family is upset with the older sister. “My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day,” the OP wrote. “My brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless ‘no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.’”

At this point, she wants to know if she was wrong for standing her ground. “Should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?” she asked in her post.

'Your house, your rules and all that,' one user shared.

Redditors don’t take too kindly to overbearing, boundary-crossing family members, and this scenario was no exception.

“Host your brother,” one person commented. “Tell your parents they are welcome ONLY if they stop molly-coddling your sister. Tell your sister she is not welcome unless she drops this BS. Your house, your rules and all that.”

Someone else thought they should direct all of the energy toward baby sis. “Simple fix: Tell her she’s welcome to not come to your house for Thanksgiving. Host the family members who are willing to come. Never do something to ‘keep the peace.’ That just leads to more problems down the road.”

Holidays are hard work when you’re the one doing the cooking and cleaning. Baby sister can do whatever she wants once she’s willing to shoulder the full responsibility of hosting and not just dictating terms.