The holidays are here. It’s a joyous time for many, reflecting on the year, eating well, spending more time with family and friends, resting. For others, though, those same family and friends can make these supposed celebratory gatherings stressful and anxiety-inducing. In every other arena of our lives when we don’t agree with someone, we simply leave their presence. During the holidays, however, that’s not always possible.
When it comes to family, there are too many ties that bind. It can be difficult navigating differences of opinions versus disrespect and boundary crossing. One mom tried to mitigate any potential drama by warning her family members of one of her parenting decisions before their planned Thanksgiving festivities. But it still seemed to blow up in her face.
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This mom's young son enjoys painting his nails.
The mother of a 4-year-old boy logged in to Reddit to pose a question on the Am I the A–hole forum. She explained that recently, her son asked her to paint his nails.
“My husband and I talked it over, and we decided that we should paint his nails like he asked,” she wrote. “We want to make sure we aren’t feeding him outdated gender stereotypes and we also want to teach him how to be comfortable in his skin.”
When he went to preschool with his painted nails, he had a great day. Neither his peers nor his teachers made a big deal about it. But the OP didn’t think the same would be true for her family members.
With Thanksgiving coming up, they’re all going to be in the same place. So she decided to warn them about her son’s nails so they wouldn’t be shocked when they saw him. Knowing her family, she was sure it would be controversial.
More from CafeMom: Dad ‘Freaks Out’ on Mom for Painting 3-Year-Old Boy’s Nails and Making him ‘the ‘Bad Guy.’
The family wasn't pleased.
Things went as she assumed they might. “Unsurprisingly, my mom and one of my siblings were not thrilled,” the OP wrote. “My mom said she was worried he would get picked on and also worried that we would confuse him. She said he should know that some things are for boys and something’s are for girls.”
The boy’s mother doesn’t agree that gender conventions should apply to a 4-year-old wearing nail polish. She told her mother as much and brought up another example of her family’s close-mindedness. Her son dressed as a witch for Halloween and the OP’s father made a point to tell her he thought the costume was too girly.
“[My father] told me that next year when [my son’s] in school he needs to dress in a boys costume, which I also don’t agree with,” she wrote.
The OP's sibling told her to 'knock it off.'
The OP went back and forth with her relatives in the family group chat. Eventually, one of her siblings texted her separately telling her to “knock it off,” claiming she shouldn’t be arguing with their 60-something-year-old parents.
The OP concluded her post, writing that she knew this was going to be an issue. Even though she doesn’t believe her family will say anything negative to her son and will be loving and complimentary to him, she does think they’ll make thinly veiled “jokes” to her and her husband about Millennial parenting. She wanted to know if she was an a–hole for trying to have the conversation early and allowing her son to paint his nails for this family gathering.
Reddit users told her how she should handle this.
The Reddit community responded with a resounding no. People also had plenty advice about how she should handle her family now and on Thanksgiving.
“YOU are the parents, not them,” one Redditor wrote. “Your decisions are GREAT and they need to accept the way you’re raising YOUR child. Stop responding and/or tell them that you will not discuss this anymore.”
This same person even provided a day-of plan of action: “If they say anything to your child, your husband or you during any visits, simply say “Excuse me, you need to stop criticizing us for our parenting choices on this matter. If you continue, we will end our visit.”
Someone suggested the whole family paint their nails.
People who were around the same age as the OP’s parents also shared their perspectives. “NTA I am 60 I fully expect my children to speak up to me if they don’t agree with me and they do,” the person explained. “Tell them to keep their homophobic comments to themselves, its none of their business.”
There were a few people who though that although she wasn’t being a jerk, she could have handled it better.
“… it also kind of sounds like you were specifically trying to start something with your parents. If you already knew that they weren’t going to say something to your son at Thanksgiving, then why call them up now to tell them this?” one person questioned.
Others argued that 60 isn’t all that old. And one person offered a way they could double and triple down: Everyone paint their nails.
“My nephew liked painted nails around that age too. My sister didn’t bring it up with extended family but she did tell me,” the person wrote. “Not only did her husband show up with painted nails, my husband (a 6ft, convict-looking man) showed up with purple painted nails on Thanksgiving. No one said a word. It was glorious.”
We like this approach. It will help the toddler feel less alone and it will likely quell some of those unsolicited opinions.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
