It’s almost the holiday season, and often that means there can be some sort of family drama. Being the one to host holiday celebrations is a lot of work: meal planning and shopping, cleaning your home to prep for guests, cooking, and then having to be a gracious host. A lot of guests take the experience for granted.
A woman on Reddit graciously hosted a Thanksgiving dinner for her husband’s family but is refusing to do so again after her in-laws took home all the leftovers. Now her MIL is making a stink, but the woman is standing her ground.
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Last year's Thanksgiving celebration didn't go as planned.
Posting in the AITA community, the woman called her dinner last year “a disaster.”
“I am a nurse and work nights, I was exhausted, I was late making dinner, my DHâs grandparents had to get fast food bc I took too long to cook. My mil was supposed to bring three sides but she ended up bringing one frozen meatloaf that was about six inches long to feed 9 people,” the woman explained.
“Essentially, she brought nothing to share, they came over and at the end of the night they packed up all of our food and took it with them. (We were under the impression they were putting the food in our fridge bc thatâs what they said they were doing). We had absolutely no leftovers” she revealed.
There was a death in the family this year.
“Earlier this year, my husbandâs grandmother died after a 3 week hospital stay. I did everything I could to be there for mil. I brought food, showed up every other day to spend time with grandma, drove grandpa back and forth to visit,” she wrote, sharing that she even bought a dress for her MIL to wear to the funeral.
She explained that since the funeral, her MIL has been “standoff ish,” even though the OP has “run myself ragged to take care of her,” and not even her MIL’s own children are giving her that much care.
Now, her MIL is trying to make her feel bad about Thanksgiving.
“A week ago she called me to ask about Thanksgiving dinner and I told her I wasnât cooking. I was tired, I work a lot (50 hours a week) and I donât appreciate people taking food they didnât cook out of my kitchen,” the woman shared.
“She immediately started crying and telling me she lost her best friend, itâs the first holiday season without her mom, sheâs sad, sheâs lonely. I told her tough luck. Iâm tired of being taken for granted,” the OP wrote. “She called my DH who said he is staying out of it, but that now might not be the time for me to make a ‘grand statement’.”
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People are praising her for standing her ground.
“Ignore the waterworks. You’re being manipulated. NTA,” one person asserted.
“Absolutely do not allow Thanksgiving to be in your home. Nope,” another commenter wrote. “Your husband can go cook at his momâs. She can shop and clean.”
“Oh man, I’ve dealt with the people who show up to eat your delicious meal and then take all the leftovers home with them, leaving you with nothing to eat on Friday. Why do people think that’s ok?? Just why?” one comment reads.
“It sounds like a perfect year to go to a restaurant or at a bare minimum have it catered. Don’t be passive aggressive. Just set the boundary that hosting doesn’t work for you. It’s OK to say no,” another person wrote.
Many agree that her husband is the real problem.
“Iâm sorry, but your DHâŚnot so darling. Does he acknowledge everything youâve done for his family? Does he see the way they treat you?” someone wrote. “Choosing to stay out of it is a wimpy, AH move on his part. Tell him to grow a backbone and deal with his family because you are sick of it.”
“Tell husband you’re not making a grand statement, you are doing the same as him and staying out of it,” another person commented. “If he wants to host then he’s more than welcome to do the cooking and everything else that is needed for them. They have other children whose homes they can go to but you’re staying out of it.”
“NTA but this is a husband problem. How dare he stay out of dealing with his mother? How dare he expect you to cook?” someone else fumed on her behalf. ” think you shouldnât forbid him from hosting, but he needs to understand that of course youâre not the one to cook and clean for his event.”
“Your husband really can’t stay out of it, it’s HIS mom. I would make that very clear to him. Because his response is absurd,” someone else chimed in. “Ask him if he wants to pay for a catered meal and then he can be in charge of it.”
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