When people get married, the guest list is an integral part of the day. The couple often wants to celebrate with people who they love and who play a special role in their lives. Sometimes invitations are extended to family members who may be a bit more distant simply because they are a part of their family and it is nice to have everyone together once in a while.
A woman raised by her grandparents is getting married. Although she didn't care to have her biological parents at the wedding, her grandfather asked her to invite them, so she did. When her parents RSVP'd, they added a plus one. The bride found out they are now involved in a throuple and want to bring their new partner. She is uncomfortable with the situation and posted in Reddit's AITA forum asking if it is unfair of her to say no to the plus one and allow only her parents to come.
Family relationships have been strained for years.
The original poster and her biological parents have had minimal contact throughout her life. They are "free spirits," and although she harbors no ill will against them, she does not consider them parental figures.
While planning her wedding, her grandfather — who raised her — asked that she extend the invitation to them. She agreed but said the bios would have no parental role in the marriage.
Her bio dad called and said that he and her bio mom are now in a throuple with a man in his 30s, and they would like him to attend the wedding with them.
"I told him that he and my mother were invited as a courtesy and that they had no parental privileges for me to consider. He said that excluding their partner was mean and that he wouldn't have left me with my grandparents if he knew they were going to raise me to be prejudiced," she explained.
OP isn't changing her mind.
OP was very firm with her bio dad and told him that no uninvited guests were to attend the wedding. She explained that she has been in touch with the wedding coordinator, and anyone not on the guest list would be banned from the facility.
"Since we are having the reception at a resort hotel in my city they have security. I also spoke with the manager and explained that I might have uninvited guests trying to get into my wedding reception. He said that security would escort anyone like that off the property and call the cops if needed," she wrote.
OP talked to both sets of grandparents about the situation, and no one knew that the throuple existed. Everyone suspects they tried to nab the invite for their third so they could introduce him to the family.
When OP's bio mom caught wind of everything that was going on, she called her and screamed at her for talking about her "private business." Is the bride wrong for putting her foot down?
Redditors feel like this is too much drama.
To some Redditors, it appears the bio parents are trying to make a statement. It has less to do with OP being the bride than it does with them stealing the spotlight.
"And not wanting them to plant a flag and dig in their heels on a polyamory bigotry soapbox with the whole family as audience, drawing attention from their 'only in biology' kid tying the knot," someone wrote.
"You can't tell me op's "parents" wait until the wedding to reveal this unless they were planning to cause a stir and steal attention," another person agreed. "I don't care what kind of lifestyle they live, anyone who abandons their kids are a–holes and deadbeats. They don't deserve to be within a mile of her wedding."
"NTA They're not [your] parents, and they were gonna use your big day to get attention," someone else commented. This isn't about discriminating against polyamory (my mom is poly and if she had a new partner I wouldnt want to meet him at my wedding). Their invites were a courtesy, they dont get to ask for more."
Redditors aren't in favor of the bio parents at all.
Some Redditors thought it was a low blow for OP's bio dad to start throwing insults around.
"What a disgusting abusive thing your bio dad said: 'He said that excluding their partner was mean and that he wouldn't have left me with my grandparents if he knew they were going to raise me to be prejudiced,' one person wrote. "How does he have the gall to throw in your face the fact that he abandoned you as a child. Uninvite them both, and have a serious talk with your grandparents about why they want you to keep such people close to you."
Another person agreed this situation is a mess.
"The real cherry on top of this s— [sundae] is bio dad claiming they wouldn't have abandoned OP if he knew it would result in not getting his way at her wedding," the person wrote. "I mean, wow. So now he's insulted his wife's parents by insinuating they are bigots, insulted himself and his wife by implying they left their child to be raised by bigots, and insulted OP by insinuating that if only she behaved as a bigot as a child they wouldn't have abandoned her? The mental gymnastics boggle the mind!"
OP, you don't owe anyone anything.
Redditors believe you are giving your bio parents a lot more respect and credit than they are giving you and much more than they deserve. If they wanted to be treated like parents, they should've acted like them long ago. Enjoy your day and spend it with the ones who you love and who really love you, and don't give any of this a second thought.
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