As the saying goes, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil,” and as a mom, it’s definitely true. Although we would all love to say we treat our children equally, the fact of the matter is, we can’t always do that because some kids are more self-sufficient and others need more attention. Another truth is that even though we generally love our children equally, we don’t always like them equally. Kids have jerk days, and so do parents.
The problem is that our kids start to think we have favorites when mostly we don’t, instead loving all of our children unconditionally. But when kids think parents have favorites, it can create animosity and jealousy among siblings. One brother (aka OP) is tired of being the self-sufficient sibling and never getting his wants and needs taken into consideration, and he’s telling Reddit all about it.
Should this teen always have to make the sacrifices at home, especially when he’s a kid himself?
He wrote to Reddit's AITA community to get some insight.
“I (15F) have a younger sister (12F)," OP wrote. "My sister was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was about 6 or 7. Since then, my parents have had a major soft-spot for her. It's a very mild form that usually just causes her to space out and kinda stare off into the distance."
She seems to have grown out of the condition. "She hasn't had any seizures for about 5 years. Since I was younger, my parents have been babying my sister and prioritizing her needs.”
OP noted that he doesn’t really mind that they prioritize her needs because helping people in need isn't the issue. But he’s had his devices taken away because "electronics are bad for her" and he’s had to stay home from plans to make sure she's safe, and he feels like he’s being punished for something he hasn’t done.
Part of OP's problem is that it appears to him that his sister never has to care for herself.
“The issue with that though is that with my parents constantly hovering around her, she never has to do anything for herself. So when they have to work, her well-being falls onto me. I have had to miss practice and after-school plans with my friends,” he shared.
OP is very serious about school. His parents know this and are really strict as well. At one point there was a study club at school to help prepare for exams. He’d already told his parents he was going, but because his sister came home, his dad wanted the teen to skip the study club and cook for himself and his sister.
When OP asked why his sister couln't make her own food, his dad told him she isn't used to cooking on the stove yet. That made OP mad, but he walked home anyway.
His sister had a "bad day at school" so she came into OP's room and asked if she could watch Netflix on his laptop.
She didn't react well when he told her he needed it to study.
"She snapped at me telling me that I should get a hobby and friends instead of staying in my room all the time. I returned with the reason why I stay in my room to study because our parents don't trust you by yourself and to use the PS4 [if] she really wanted to watch something."
His sister escalated things by calling their father, who told OP to let her use the laptop. "I said I needed to do homework. They told me to give her my laptop or else I wouldn't have one. I told them I needed to study and hung up," he wrote.
Things didn't get better once his mom arrived home.
“When mom came home later, she tried to take my laptop and yelled at me for making her come home," he wrote. "I lost it and told her that she was the one who made me come home when I could've been using a school laptop to study. I said that they need to let me live instead of making me raise their kid.”
OP noted that his parents "tried to explain to me why they've been so stressed with work, and how they need me to watch my sister so they have one less thing to worry about."
They continued using "the same spiel on how since she used to have epilepsy they don't want her stressed because of her condition." That's when OP blew up.
"I just said, 'I don't care about her stupid condition, she isn't terminally ill and doesn't deserve half the attention that you give her. Leave me alone about it already.'"
His parents got mad and said he was being selfish by not helping them out and then sent him to bed. The next morning, they didn't speak to OP at all. Now he is upset, frustrated, and feels he's been mistreated.
Redditors weighed in and agree it's not OP who is behaving badly.
Most Redditors agreed with the OP that his parents are in the wrong for making the oldest son sacrifice his childhood to take care of his sister. Although most commenters agreed that there is nothing wrong with older children helping keep an eye on their younger siblings, they shouldn’t be a stand-in parent.
One Reddit commenter pointed out that it’s not just detrimental to the OP but to his younger sister. “Based on your story, your parents are treating you two unfairly. It will cause problems in the future: your sister will not learn the skills needed to be independent. They are leaning on you too much.”
“In a few years, they're going to wonder why OP never comes home and why he never wants to talk to them," another commenter wrote.
Someone else pointed out how this whole situation is not actually helpful to the little sister. “Hell, they'll also be whining about how their youngest is a socially inept constant complainer who is disliked by all her peers because she's quick to tattle and cry when she doesn't get her way.”
Another Redditor chimed in with just how damaging this situation can be. “This! I kinda dealt with the same thing except there wasn't any medical issues. [I now have] no contact with that sibling because they are just toxic with a crazy sense of entitlement.”
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