You'd assume one's place of work to be a safe place, but for women, that just isn't always the case. The worst part? Our own co-workers are usually the ones to blame.
I've worked as a hostess in a high-end restaurant in the Hamptons, a caterer, an intern at some of the most respected media companies in the world, and finally, as a journalist, and I can honestly say I've had to endure vile comments and actions from some of my male co-workers in all these places.
Of course, this is not an individual problem — it's a systemic issue, where men disregard a woman's right to be treated as a team member and really, a human being deserving of respect — but I wanted to find out just how prevalent harassment in the workplace, whether sexual or just flat-out sexist.
So I decided to launch an experiment. On Thursday, I posted this call-out on my personal Facebook:
In minutes, my Facebook was flooded with messages. In many cases, the women who shared their stories were in their early 20s when men many years their senior preyed on them in an office setting — some were not even 18.
Women are told that gender-based harassment is something we should accept. In some of these stories, you'll see women are explicitly told it's "part of their job."
I've compiled these stories to show that this cannot be the norm — that your server, your bartender, your editor, your colleague — deserves to feel safe in her work environment. Period.
"My male boss when I was 15 told me that he would give me 2 shares of the tips if I wore leggings to work…my boss told me 'he would be gentle with me and only stick it half in.' I was 15!!!! and he was 28-30 probably." — Anonymous, 25
"[I had] a hostessing job I had in college. The owner told me that if any girls came in to apply for a job and he was not here to write 'H' on the top of the application if they were heavy…he said 'F' for fat was too obvious. He also asked me to write 'B' if they were beautiful. It was like he had absolutely no self awareness of how awful he sounded when he said this to me. I asked him 'Are you serious?' and he responded 'How do you think you got the job?'
Absolutely awful. On another occasion at this restaurant I had a drunk old man say some inappropriate things to me and touch my leg when I was sitting at the desk. I lost it. I went and told my manager expecting the man to be thrown out and my boss told me that he was a regular and it was a part of my job. I never showed up to that job again." — Kelsey Peacock, 24
"One time my old manager came in and sat at the bar. I was bartending. He is an older gentleman and had retired a month or so ago, he comes in now and then to help out and he gets free food. He was helping my boss with something on Facebook in the office. They asked me to go into the office to help. I was leaning over the desk showing them something on the monitor when my manager say, 'Oh you seem to have this handled I'm gunna go now, oh before I forget, here's your tip!' And I feel something being shoved into my butt!
I said, 'WTF are you doing, stop it!!?' And he goes 'No watch, watch it's funny!' And I said "I asked you to stop, I said no!" And I glared at him as he walked out.
He never apologized to me I texted him saying if he ever sat at my bar again I was going to the cops. I have never felt so violated in my own work environment. I love my job, and I know I am not the only girl that has worked under him to have this happen." — Emily Gandolfo, 21
"So it was at a holiday party and my creepy ass boss was like (after a few drinks) more or less: 'Can I ask you a question?'
Me: 'Okay.'
Him: 'You don't need to answer if you don't want to.'
Me: 'Okay.'
Him: 'How much do you weigh?'" — Anonymous, 22
"After trying for weeks to get a meeting with my boss to sort out some major issues that were holding back my team, I finally get him to sit down with me and when I start talking about how his own brand could be more successful, he stops me and asks, 'Aren't you a little too young to be taking on a role with so much responsibility?'
Eat a dick." — Anonymous, 25
"I used to teach an 8th grade social justice class. One of my male coworkers always insisted on telling me how bossy I am in meetings. He'd literally say, 'You know, you don't have to be that bossy all the time," during or after every meeting. I grinned through it, but felt like screaming on the inside.' — Evette Dionne, 26, Senior News and Identity Editor
"When I was 15 or 16 at my first job, the guy who worked at the shop next door would ask me to come eat lunch with him and sit on his lap….he was over 30 so that was my first experience with that….now I work for a publicly traded company and we've already lost a manager due to some really inappropriate things he said/attempted to do with female workers here." — Anonymous, 25
"My first job out of college I was told like — week one, I think? — by a male colleague that my CEO gave me the job because he wanted to fuck me. I was 22 years old and informed IMMEDIATELY that my looks were more valuable than my skills.
That company no longer exists. It failed." — Shaunna Murphy, 29, Senior Entertainment Editor
"I used to work with a guy who was a great editor and writer, very talented. I could tell he respected me as a colleague, but the way he looked at me just creeped me out. His eyes were on my breasts more than they were on my face. Talent aside, there was just something pervy about him. This gif is appropriate." – Mel Stanger, 27, Senior Lifestyle Reporter
"Once during a meeting, a past manager asked for volunteers to help with one of our projects on certain days of the week. I always had tried to step in when necessary and go above and beyond, because I truly cared about the place I worked at, so I eagerly said I could help all days necessary.
Later on, when confiding in a male coworker, he told me I come off as annoying and bitchy when I try to lead certain projects. Some call it annoying, I call it taking initiative." — Mandy Velez, 24, Editorial Director/Co-founder
"I once got asked in an interview (1) who my father is and (2) how old I was." — Amanda Bell, 31
"He wasn't my co-worker exactly but a volunteer fundraiser who I have to interact with regularly. I work for a non-profit and he contributes roughly 12% of our budget. He's a known terrible human who once went on a rant about shipping black people back to Africa (no, really) because 'they don't belong here.'
That was probably the worst, but the second worst was when he stopped by when my coworkers were gone to drop off donation money and as he hands me the envelope said 'For all that, you should come to dinner with me sometime.' I laughed like he'd just told the best joke ever and said, 'Oh my gosh, you're so funny!' He made similar advances on a female former coworker in the past, then gossiped to another male coworker in front of me that she must be sleeping with the boss and that's why she reacted so negatively.
He always walks the line when my coworkers (both older males) are around but if they're not present, or if I'm on the phone with him, he'll call me 'babe' and say things like 'be a doll and [insert task here].' He's also 30 years my senior. Sorry to go into an extended rant, it's just frustrating because I've decided to put up with this racism, sexist jerk in order to keep the funding coming." — Anonymous, 26
"I worked for the government for a hot minute, and I was REALLY over men asking me to get them coffee, even when they were my subordinates. Get you own fucking coffee, you goddamned babies.
Also "I'm glad you don't work over on this side of the office, I'd never get any work done." The low-level sexual harassment is actually insane." — Alle Connell, 31, Senior Lifestyle Editor
"When I was in high school I worked at a place where my boss only hired females because [he told me] 'pretty girls sell more.'" — Alyssa Saccente, 21
"I had an interview at one of my old jobs, and the manager at the time was a female (who liked other females). After I had been hired, she had been let go, and a new male manager came in.
Well I had mentioned that I felt like I would like more responsibilities to the new manager, and his response was 'Why, you were only hired because she liked the way you looked.'" — Noelle Peyton, 25
"I've had a managing partner tell me that I should make a calendar and be in a button down or a towel, then look directly at my chest and say 'Well, maybe a few towels.'
Different guy said after we ordered the same drink said, 'She's knows to follow daddy' in front of multiple people I work with." — Anonymous, 22
"I was once in a meeting where none of my co-workers (all male) wanted to take minutes, to which one of my co-workers said, 'Get the chick to do it,' meaning me.
I knew he meant it as a joke but I couldn't help but lose some respect for him."
— Anonymous, 25
"One [story] is when the owner of a store I was working at heard me speaking in Spanish to a Guatemalan man and yelled at me, saying 'The pretty blonde girl isn't supposed to talk to the monkeys.'
Another was when my male boss asked me, 'So when are you going to wear those white shorts to work again?' as he simultaneously brought out a six pack of beer to 'share.'
And a third was a male coworker who told me, 'I know you say you don't want to have kids, but don't you love to FUCK?' and went on in explicit detail about what he enjoyed." — Anonymous, 25
"At my previous employer we had a high-senior level doctor on our Medical team. He was not well liked and many people that I knew told me unsettling stories about his highly inappropriate behavior towards women so I was told to ‘stay away’. Fast forward nine months to the Monday after our Holiday party. My colleague and close friend asked me to meet her in a private conference room — which was super odd to me. She was visibly upset and told me that the creepy Dr. man came up to her outside, grabbed her ass and lit his cigarette.
She turned to him horrified and asked, “Don’t you have a wife and child?” To which he replied, “That’s for me to worry about.” EW. So she was obviously shaken and upset because no one else had seen this. When she told me I was infuriated and I advised her to report is ASAP. But, she said that due to his senior level and the fact that no one else saw it she was afraid nothing would happen and that he would target her in the future. I tried to persuade her to change her mind but she just kept saying that she would think about it.
A few months later she left to go to another agency and I told my male friend (who is also senior level and warned me about creepy Dr. man) about what had happened at the Holiday party and he was LIVID. Apparently, Dr. man has had several HR infractions and he was skating on thin ice. If my friend had reported it, then he maybe would have gotten terminated.
Turns out he was fired four months later for who knows what but he is a slimy fuck and I hate him." — Anonymous, 25
"When I was 16, I worked at a bagel place. On one of my first days, an older female co-worker warned me about the boss and his brother, saying they were creepy.
A couple weeks later, I was told by another coworker that one of them was looking at my butt when i bent over to grab something and he was trying to get his 30-something-year-old son to go after a new hire who was about my age at the time. They continued to only hire young girls and make obscene comments toward them.
They were really creepy." — Colleen Nugent, 27
"I used to work at Home Depot and the managers used to ask me to climb the very tall ladders so they could stand below me and look up at my butt. I was always asked to be a 'forklift spotter' so the operators could stare at my butt too.
I was always told I couldn't lift heavy items because 'I'm a girl and it's not my place.'"
— Erin Perrier, 20
