There are some things that you just don’t say when someone shares the news of a personal tragedy, and anything involving “better place” and “at least” are definitely off the table. When a woman on TikTok made the mistake of sharing the news of her miscarriage with someone at her place of work, the response she got was even worse than that, and she was quick to give the customer a comeback that she couldn’t help replying with.
Sometimes, some of us might feel the immediate knee-jerk reaction to say something hurtful or rude in return when someone makes an ignorant comment regarding a personal tragedy. Instead, at least in my case, I sometimes clam up. But in reality, I like to think we would all prefer to take a cue from this woman and just say what we are thinking, because why not?
@jayteabs People are the worst. I’m going back to bed. #customerservice #crashout #hr #nothanks #miscarriage ♬ original sound – Jayteabs
She made sure to respond with brutal honesty about her miscarriage.
She explains in her TikTok that she told a consultant for the company she works for that she would not need to take maternity leave, as she had originally intended to do. She didn’t tell the woman that she had a miscarriage, but that was the implication of her news about her maternity leave and no longer having a need for it.
“I said, ‘well, there’s no baby, so it would be a little weird to take a maternity leave with no baby,'” she explains in her video of the interaction. “She goes, ‘oh, I’m sorry to hear that. At least you still have your two daughters.’ Yeah, at least, right? And then she really drove it home with a’ you don’t want to get greedy.'”
Instead of walking away, she replied to the woman in a way that many of us have probably wanted to when faced with a similar situation (or person) in our lives. She adds in her video, “So I responded in the only way I know how, which is, ‘ew, what a weird f—ing thing to say, you weird b—h.”
What’s the appropriate response when someone opens up about a miscarriage? Probably anything but a ‘look on the bright side’ sentiment. This is a person in mourning who might have other children, but who just lost another.
She isn’t the only one to get totally out of pocket responses about a miscarriage, which is really the bigger problem here. One user commented on the TikTok add her own story about a rude customer who probably could have done with a similar response as described in the TikTok.
“A customer said to me, ‘you must have stressed yourself out too much because God doesn’t make mistakes. He wouldn’t have taken your baby,'” they commented. “I walked away so I didn’t hit an old lady.”
Another woman who experienced loss when she miscarried twins wrote, “I got told, ‘that must mean something was wrong with them…that’s why you miscarried. So it’s actually a blessing’ when I miscarried twins.”
After the TikTok user shared the video, she posted an update about the consultant she told off at her place of work. In that video, she says that the consultant she spoke with did get fired. However, she adds, the woman still does not believe she was wrong in how she spoke to her about the miscarriage.
“Here’s a little advice for anybody who has a friend, coworker going through any form of loss, no matter what it is, when you hear about it, you can just keep it simple,” she says. “For me, the more simple the interaction the better because there’s not a ton of emotional weight to it. You can say, I am so sorry to hear that. I’m here for you. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.’ If you find yourself beginning your sentence with the words ‘at least,’ stop. Just stop. Don’t finish it. Tuck them back in. Tuck them back in. Throw it away because whatever you are about to finish that sentence with, I can assure you it is not helpful.”
