My husband does quite a few things that drive me crazy. But as part of a 30-day Kindness Challenge I attempted earlier this year, I was required to consider the good that might come from these things and then compliment him. Through the challenge, I was reminded of something important – that my husband does quite a few things that continually amaze me.
So for Father’s Day, I thought I’d do the kindness exercise again. But this time, I'm considering the things he does as a father, and the good that has come from it – not just for my girls and our family, but for me personally, and for everyone we come into contact with. Here are five life lessons I’ve learned from watching my husband be a dad.
1. You can solve more problems by getting silly than by getting angry
3. When people hurt you, it might be because they hurt inside
My daughter was 3 when she came home telling us that one of her friends had left her out of an activity at school. My husband wrapped his arms around her and said, “Sometimes when people do mean things, it’s because they hurt inside.” My daughter ended up making a card for that friend, who made a card for her in return… and years later, they are still making cards for each other. Life doesn’t always give back like that, but his words have continued to help us move past hurt and into forgiveness and freedom.
4. If you want something, ask for it. Most of the time, people will give you what you want
My husband has no shame when it comes to asking for things, especially for his girls. Free popcorn, extra slices of pizza (that were only supposed to be for participants in an event they obviously didn’t participate in), company suite tickets to the big game – there’s not much he won’t ask for.
“The worst that can happen is they’ll say no,” he says. And they do. But it doesn’t happen often. And it doesn’t take anything away from him.
What’s been amazing to see is how many doors open simply because we ask. It also makes me wonder how many doors stay closed simply because we don’t. Pride and fear used to tell me to keep quiet. Now I just ask – and I’ve seen all sorts of big dreams become reality. And I love that my girls know that they can do the same, because their daddy has shown them that the desires of their heart are always worth asking for.
5. The best way to build connections with people? Keep showing up
My girls are still at the age where they prefer mommy over daddy. He’ll plan an outing with them, and they’ll whine about not getting to stay with mommy. He’ll try to help the little one out of the car, and she’ll push him away saying, “Only Mommy.” From mealtimes to bathtime to bedtime – they just want mommy.
I worry sometimes about how this affects him – I know I’d be tempted to say, “Fine!” and walk away. But he doesn’t stop pursuing them. He just keeps showing up, keeps staying present, and I know this persistence and faithfulness is building an irreplaceable connection with them that every little girl needs. Because there are things they know mommy doesn’t like to do – like killing spiders, cleaning up shattered glass, and getting iced water from the kitchen when I’m already cozy in bed – they’ll go straight to daddy instead. I know this list will only grow as they get older, and I know that one day, they are going to face things they’ll only want daddy for. And when that day comes, they’ll know he’ll be there, because he’s been there all along.
Sometimes it seems like the way to build connections with people is to get them interested in you, to draw them in by being impressive and accomplished and beautiful. But from what I’ve seen, if you’re trying to build connections with people, whether a reluctant child, a new friend, a distant parent – you just have to keep showing up.
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So thank you, husband, for bringing in silliness when I’m not in the mood. For sometimes only doing some of the dishes. For shamelessly being willing to ask for all sorts of things. For needing to show up to everything. The way you live and parent has helped me live a fuller, freer life, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank you.
Day 4 Kindness Challenge completed!
