When it comes to dating, it’s hard enough when you’re on your own. When you’re a single mom, the challenge of finding someone the second time around gets much more complicated when you have children who need your support and attention.
“[Divorce] was such a scary time for me, and I felt alone, and I didn’t know who my friends were and who his friends were,” says Kerri Zane, author of It Takes All 5: A Single Mom’s Guide to Finding the Real One and a single mom to 19- and 22-year-old daughters.
That’s why Zane wanted to give women a resource and let them know that someone else had been through the same struggles. In her book, Zane talks about her five-point philosophy for finding a “rock-solid” relationship. Along with giving us some single mom dating advice, she chatted with us about why dating’s worth the juggle (even when your to-do list is long!) and that big question — when you should introduce your new guy to your kids.
Single moms: Dating and motherhood can mix — carefully
Single mom dating: Problems with timing
Now you’ve decided to dip your toe back into the dating pool, when is a good time to take the plunge? Zane says to do it when you feel ready — and not to feel guilty when you do.
When is a good time to get back “out there”?
“I think that guilt plays a huge part in wanting to go out and date again, and I really encourage women and people that I coach to release that. Again, it’s going back to that idea that kids need to see you happy, so that there’s no guilt attached to that.”
Don’t put it off for too long
“Dating is an important part of your life. Having a social life. It’s part of what makes you feel good. When you find that someone is attracted to you, it’s healthy and confidence-building. I don’t think it’s something that you should put aside.”
The dating advice she’s given her daughters
“In general, I’ve always tried to instill in my daughters a sense of independence. I would love for them to go out into the dating world in a ‘I want to have a relationship’ vs. ‘I need to have a relationship’ (way). I think it shifts the perspective on who you choose to engage in a relationship.”
