As a divorced woman, I've had some time to reflect. One crucial thing I’ve learned over the years links directly to one reason why I believe my past relationships haven't lasted: because I always had my partner at the forefront of my mind.
I wondered what they’d like to eat, where they’d like to go
I tell him I've watched enough sports
If I want to go to his favorite restaurant (again) and I don’t want to go, I suggest another place. If he asks me to help him do something around his house yet he hasn’t helped me when I’ve asked and won’t even pick up his dog’s poop when they come to visit (after I’ve asked him), I tell him no.
This is a lot better than swallowing my feelings to keep the peace or appearing like I’m high-maintenance. I believe women are conditioned to believe that if they ask for what they want, they are needy, bitchy, or crazy. We are shown over and over that men like women who are happy, who smile, who don’t cause a fuss, who aren’t temperamental — even when they are reacting to disrespect.
And I’m over it
I’m not going to live my life that way, nor am I going to complain about my partner not getting it when I refuse to tell him what "it" is. He has a choice: He can stay with me, or, he can leave if he doesn’t want a woman who speaks up and feels worthy enough to share her opinion.
Let’s face it: Most men are thinking of themselves all the time. This isn’t an angry woman talking, this is something I’ve seen and heard over and over from the men and women of the world. So, not only are they thinking about themselves all the time, so are their partners. Not to mention their moms are probably thinking of them too.
Here we have men who have a few different people thinking about them and their needs all the time, and women who are thinking of everyone else while no one is thinking of them. No wonder why so many women feel lonely — even when they are in relationships.
I don’t think men are going to change, but I can change
I can think of myself and my needs before my partners', as a way to balance things out and keep me from feeling like I’m twisting myself into a pretzel to keep someone else happy.
And believe me, it’s a game-changer.
