After having my first child, my husband was counting down the days until I was cleared to have sex again. Truth be told, I was praying my doctor would tell me I had to wait at least a year before I could have sex.
Since that wasn’t the case, I felt like I had to because we hadn’t been intimate for six weeks (which is zero time if you ask any woman who’s had a baby), and I should want to do this not only with him, but for him.
I slogged through it, forcing myself to have sex with my husband a few times a month and he noticed really quickly I wasn’t into it. I felt like a completely different person, and sex was never on my mind. In fact, I tried to avoid it by coming up with all the excuses I could think of.
It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my second that I felt a spark in my libido
It was as if my entire mind and body was shutting down whenever the subject had come about
I really think that if I had given myself a break, if I had told my husband I needed more time to recover from childbirth instead of not saying anything, I would have been able to feel more like my old self a lot faster.
And if that wasn’t the case, then so be it. Because if you're a mom — regardless of if you gave birth or not — this new role does something to you. It changes you in ways you could never imagine. You are taking on more, and most of the time when that happens, something else has got to give so we have the bandwidth to cope.
If you're someone who feels like your sex drive is gone and never returning, please take it from me: Be easy on yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you
Everyone is different when it comes to craving sex after kids. Take care of yourself, and listen to your body and and your mind. And know that beating yourself up or feeling like you're a horrible partner will not make your sex drive come back any faster, so give yourself some grace.
