It’s been six years since my best friend lost her baby. She miscarried over Memorial Day weekend and although I know that weekend holds more sorrow for her than me each year, that weekend never passes without my remembering.
I remember her phone call
1. Deliver a meal
Everyone needs food, even when they’re in the midst of a crisis. And if they don’t have an appetite, their family most likely does.
So, phrase it like this, “I can bring pizza over tonight or I’ve got chicken noodle soup on the menu tomorrow and I can bring that over if you’d prefer soup. Yes to pizza? Yes to soup? Ok to bring both?”
2. Scoop up her other kids
If your friend has other kids do not leave her to parent while she’s miscarrying. Scoop them up, their school stuff, the schedule of where they need to be and when, and get it done.
Let her rest knowing her kids are well taken care of.
3. Send a gift
There is really no occasion that doesn’t warrant a gift. A gift says, “I’m thinking of you, I care about you”. Opt for a self-care item, something she wouldn’t splurge on for herself.
Or something in remembrance of her baby – a necklace, plant, or piece of artwork.
4. Offer tangible help
When miscarrying, you pause but life doesn’t stop. Often moms rush to get back on their feet so as to not get more behind, which is counterproductive to both their physical and emotional recovery. Alleviate the rush by popping in every few days to flip and fold laundry, mop the kitchen floor, or clean a bathroom.
If you’d rather, text a group of your friends and rally contributions for a full house cleaning (when everyone chips in a little, you can cover a lot, and most likely many are wondering how they can offer love and support). It would even be a nice gesture to pick up their car and take it for a wash and vacuum. Any act of service that says sit and rest, I can take something off your plate.
5. Use baby’s name
If your friend had chosen a name or knew baby’s sex, be intentional about saying it out loud. Speaking their name or using he/she acknowledges their existence and importance.
6. Light a candle
Whether you light a candle in their honor on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15th) or another day that’s important – snap a photo and let them know – this is for you and your little one, I remember, I love them too.
