Over four years ago, right before my ex-husband moved out, I heard him taking out the trash. I was lying in bed thinking, It’s all going to be me now. Everything will be up to me.
While he worked outside the home, I worked from home, and so our three kids' lives fell upon me. I went to (and made) all the appointments, I made sure they always had what they needed for school. I did all the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. He took care of our finances and did a few things around the house, like taking out the trash and snow removal.
But the truth was, I was here all the time, and he worked long, hard days doing hard labor. If I saw that something needed to be done, I’d do it. However, I also knew I had a partner who was there to help me with something and pick up the slack whenever it was needed.
Being a single mom not only meant I had to double-down on my career because I was going from a two-income household to a one-income household, but I also had to take over the finances and do all the things my husband used to do.
Not to mention how exhausting it is to be the solo parent of three children when they're with you
Then, I crashed hard
There was no way I could keep up with it all, so I started doing only the things I could. I started resting more because I was mentally exhausted. I started realizing what was actually important because my schedule was ripped away from me and everything was uncertain.
And you know what?
Nothing happened. Well, nothing bad anyway.
It turns out this last dumpster fire of a year taught me one amazing lesson: I don’t have to try to do it all. I don’t have to be a mother and a father. I don’t have to keep the house clean or work until my fingers fall off.
I stopped doing all that and nothing fell apart
I’m not saying I don’t work hard or that being the solo parent isn’t exhausting — it is. I'm saying I made it worse by thinking I had to carry this huge weight and break my back by doing every single thing that came up.
I don’t.
And it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to say no. It’s OK to be a single parent who doesn’t do it all or have it all figured out.
Actually, it’s freeing, and I’ll never go back to the way I was pre-pandemic.
