As America sits in a state of panic, confusion, and utter disbelief that the Capitol Hill was stormed by armed civilians, I think every parent thought to themselves about whether they should discuss this moment in history with their children. Hopefully, many also wondered how to do that in a way that is age-appropriate but doesnât ultimately contribute to the issues of white supremacy we are seeing play out before us.
As a parent to Black children, I didnât get the chance to think about this for long. I had to immediately discuss current events, hypocrisy, and double standards, detail a safety plan for our family in case we encounter violence, and make myself mentally capable to answer and and all questions my children, ages 5 and 14, had for me. It is a privilege to have a moment to breathe and think about what you will tell your children, and white parents, this is an incredible time to use that privilege to be a true ally.
Understand and acknowledge the differences.
A lot of terrifying things occurred over the past few days, and sadly, our kids have been entrenched in scary events all year. Kids can always read the room, and if youâre scared, theyâre scared. It is OK to acknowledge your sadness and disappointment, but it is also important to go into this discussion with the understanding that centering white tears, discomfort, upset, or trauma is inappropriate and the opposite of allyship to the Black/POC communities. Your feelings as an American are valid, but when we see the disparity between how these attackers were treated versus the treatment of Black Lives Matter protesters, we have to acknowledge it with our children and emphasize its importance.
Give them the facts, gently but honestly.
You also need to be in a place where you can be honest about what happened and use accurate terminology. Of course, you also have to keep in mind the age of the child you are speaking to. If you have an elementary aged kid, this is a great place to start.
When you explain who was involved in the siege of the Capitol, it is important to use labels like "white supremacists" and "mob" rather than "protesters" because of their actions and motivations. When they arrived at the Capitol many people were waving Confederate flags, covered in racist tattoos, and there were even a few with blatantly racist clothing, which is a an easy thing to identify to children.
Saying: âWhite supremacists attempted to stop the process of the transition of power from our current president, Donald Trump, to our president-elect, Joe Biden," allows kids to identify and understand that these people had a specific âfoundationâ of beliefs.
Your kids will ask a lot of questions. Like what âwhite supremacy,â âtreason,â and the âtransition of powerâ mean. Be prepared to answer them factually. Building political efficacy in children is one way to put a halt to the ignorance that has been so detrimental to our country. Teach and encourage kids to ask questions and understand terminology.
When we ultimately talk to our kids about it, making them understand needs to involve evoking their own critical analysis. You have to provide thought starters, such as:
âWhat did you notice?â
âWhat are you most worried about?â
âDo you understand why this is different from the protests we saw over the summer?â
By doing this, you can get a sense of their understanding, and fill in the gaps.
It's important to address the complexity of white guilt and responsibility, even if it's uncomfortable.
To give them a genuine understanding, you have to take it back to the beginnings of our country.
âWhite colonizers, our ancestors, used force to take away the land and homes of Indigenous people in this country. White people took Black people away from their homes in Africa and made them work in the Americas and in Europe without pay. These Black people were slaves and they were not allowed to go home or leave the places they worked."
Explain to them even though slavery is not allowed and we gave some land back to Indigenous people, the country we see today is one that allows for white people to keep that power over everyone else because white people still control majority wealth, access to resources, the government, and also mass media in ways that other people with different skin colors donât.
A concise, simply way to do this might be: "It's true today that slavery isn't allowed, but it doesn't mean that everything today is still fair, or what we call 'equitable.' And it impacts how this like what happened at the Capitol, happened."
Kids might get naturally defensive here, so it is important to explain that that control gives anyone with white skin power, and that their white skin gave them easier access to commit this siege.
"Even if we personally in this home didnât do anything that our ancestors did, and even though we donât work in government, and we are not rich, we still have privilege. It is OK to be upset about this connection we have to our ancestors. It is not fair and it is something now that is really hard to undo. The best we can do with our feelings right now is use those big feelings and that energy to show up for our Black/POC friends and to learn ways to fight for justice and racial equity.â
Calls to action for ways to grow in your own antiracism work as well as ways to involve your children.
Normalize discussions around race by consuming mass media with your children that feature Black protagonists and heroes. Additionally, teach your children to recognize the banality of white violence in mass media as well as the subliminal negative messages about people with Black and brown skin. Normalize discussion around the news, current events, and politics with your children. Join or start a book club that reads books about racial justice, or for younger children, is intentional about choosing books and stories that uplift the Black/POC community and racial justice.
In your day-to-day life, model self-accountability and also hold people in your circles accountable for their racism. Normalize calling out racism, racist microaggressions, and misogynoir in your circles.
The best feeling I have ever had as a Black person is hearing a white child say, âBlack Lives Matter and I donât want to hear you say mean things about my Black friends again.â Something so simple and effortless can be truly impactful in the ways your children see the world and how others experience your children. Racism doesnât manifest in adulthood. It is something that is taught throughout childhood, either through inaction or by modeling inappropriate behaviors and ideas.
Lastly, and most importantly, normalize self-care that isnât rooted in apathy or complicity.
Teach your kids ways to express their upset in healthy, nonharmful ways, while still engaging them in antiracism work. Both can be done at the same time. The best ways to do this are by regularly modeling that behavior yourself. Please rest, do a digital detox, eat, drink water, and take your medicine. The road to racial justice is a marathon and one you canât complete if you arenât taking care of your well-being along the way.
