Families come in all shapes and sizes and are brought together in a variety of ways. It doesn’t matter if it’s your bio child, your bonus child, your niece or nephew, a foster child, or if you became a parent through adoption – it’s all beautiful.
Parenting is much easier when there is time to process it, though. We hear about parents who give birth not realizing they were pregnant and had less than a day to get used to the idea. Others open their homes at the last minute to kids in need. But although that works for some families, it’s not ideal for everyone.
That’s what one woman, or OP, was dealing with. She found herself faced with the potential of becoming an instant parent and it wasn’t sitting well with her. And her decision caused some conflict.
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The woman wanted advice, so she hit up Reddit to share what has been going on.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP jumped right into the family dynamics that impacted a major decision she was facing.
“I (27F) grew up being pretty close to my cousin (also 27F). Then in high school she got really into the drugs/party thing and ended up dropping out in her senior year,” she explained.
“She eventually had my nephew ‘Evan’ (now 8). I babysat a lot for her — I was attending college locally, so I was around to help out,” OP continued.
Unfortunately, OP said she had some concerns when it came to her nephew.
“Long story short, the stuff I saw ended up with me calling CPS. They determined it wasn't bad enough yet to remove Evan but did give her some kind of parenting plan. Not sure what, as she cut off everyone in the family at this point,” she wrote.
“Fast-forward to now, I moved away for grad school, then came back to my hometown,” she continued. And in the time between, she hadn’t heard from her cousin.
That changed recently when her cousin emailed her.
“She contacted me through an older email account,” OP explained. “She said that CPS had removed Evan and his siblings Connor (5M) and Gracie (3F) 3 years ago — I wasn't even aware she'd had other kids.”
After being removed from her cousins, the kids have been with a foster family. “Now CPS was taking away her rights for not working her plan, and she had given my name to them as a relative who would adopt them,” she continued, which brings her to why her cousin reached out.
“She begged me to take them, since I was the only family member who even had a possibility to (parents have health issues, other cousins are too young/in college etc.),” OP revealed.
OP agreed to meet the kids and their foster parents at a local park.
“Turns out the foster parents also have my cousin's youngest child Anna (1F) — which my cousin never mentioned!” OP wrote. “I guess since was born later in the case, she's not on the same timeline, and my cousin isn't losing her rights to Anna yet.”
After seeing the kids, she thought they all seemed happy and “the kids LOVE their foster family,” she explained. “The family had two older kids — I'd guess older teens — and I could see the bond between all of them.”
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After meeting the kids and the foster parents, OP made a decision related to the adoption request.
“I decided not to try and take the kids, but the foster parents are allowing me to stay involved in their life as an aunt figure,” she wrote. “Evan still remembers me vaguely, and was happy to see me.”
OP didn’t want to take the kids from the home they know. In addition, she was honest in saying that she didn’t want the drama.
“On top of not wanting to take them from the only home most of the kids remember, I also don't want to deal with my cousin — she's still using and is not someone I want in my life right now,” she admitted.
When she let her cousin know about her decision, the mom wasn’t happy.
“When I told my cousin, she was furious,” OP recalled. “She said the kids deserve to grow up with their family, and I'm doing a terrible thing by not adopting them.”
After sharing that the foster parents admitted to being willing to adopt the youngest if that time came and that they would be willing to care for the baby OP’s cousin is currently pregnant with, OP asked Reddit if she was in the wrong for not wanting to adopt her nieces and nephews. Redditors overwhelmingly had her back.
“The kids sound like they are in a good place, it sounds like they are happy and healthy and perhaps may even be adopted by them in the future,” one person replied. “Bonus, you can stay part of their lives. Screw your cousin, you probably already know that she wants you to adopt the kids so she can manipulate things and get back in their lives and be a complete pain in [your] a–.”
“The kids are together in a stable positive family where they are loved and cared for,” pointed out someone else. “It’s the home they know. Why would you break that up?”
“You clearly have these children’s best interests at heart and your cousin clearly does not,” wrote another commenter. “Staying with a family that loves them and lets you stay involved as an aunt figure sounds like the perfect solution here.”
“You are putting the children first,” added someone else. “The foster parents are one in a million. If they came out of the system and had to go back in, what are the odds they'd get another great family. Also, you are great for wanting to stay involved in their lives.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
