Navigating a blended family isn’t always an easy task, especially when it comes to family traditions. On the one hand, including new members of the family in these special events may require some tweaks to longstanding rituals, potentially upsetting people. On the other hand, not embracing the newer family members can cause them to feel unwanted or worse.
A frustrated dad recently shared his situation in the AITA forum on Reddit. His wife â who has daughters from a previous relationship and a daughter with him â also has a tradition with her sisters and nieces of holding a clothing swap each year at their family reunion. The problem? All of the girls except the daughter of the OP and his wife are extremely petite, so she is unable to participate.
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A dad posted in Reddit's AITA sharing about the family tradition that excludes his daughter.
A Reddit user shared on March 17 that each April, his wife’s family rents out a hall complete with catering and “the works” for a reunion. The main event, however, is a clothing swap between the women to distribute hand-me-downs between the nieces.
“All the women in my wife’s family ended up being very short (4’10”-5’1″), so they all wear ‘rare’ but similar sizes, so it’s always worked out,” he explained. “With a 70/30 gender split and the only men in the family being myself, my brother in law, and my sons from a previous relationship, this swap meet is the MAIN event.”
Being excluded has started to negatively affect the daughter.
The dad explained the family tradition “would be a non-issue if it weren’t for my daughter, Kate. She’s my wife and I’s ‘ours’ baby.”
He continued: “Kate took after my side of the family. We’re a taller family, or at least not Keebler Elves, so by the time she was 11, she started coming back with nothing from those parties. The first time, I assumed that she was just picky until I realized that she was starting to be bigger than her older sisters and cousins and had outgrown any size they would wear.”
Although his wife said their daughter “needed to realize that not everything was for everyone and to just have fun being there,” the dad noted that Kate started experiencing body image issues. “And now I’m thinking having this event is feeding it,” he shared.
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The wife refuses to change the clothing swap.
Kate thinking she’s “fat” and talking about dieting has prompted the dad to think the clothing swap at the family reunion should be nixed and done privately some other time.
“My wife thinks that’s ridiculous and Kate is just having typical teenage problems that will go away on their own, but if she’s so bothered, she can just not go or stay with the boys,” he wrote. “I don’t think that’s right. This is mainly a girl’s reunion!”
The OP concluded, “This event is starting to get mean and exclusionary, and it needs to end. I’m trying my best to make them see sense, and I’m getting nothing but arguments. Am I really in the wrong here?”
An overwhelming majority of Reddit users declared the dad is NTA.
In the Reddit thread, most users agreed the father was definitely not the jerk for his concern over his daughter being excluded from the family tradition.
“NAH You are being protective of your child’s feelings and that’s very sweet, but your wife is also right that everyone needs to learn that not everything is for them,” one person declared. “Nobody is in the wrong, it’s just an unfortunate situation.”
Another Reddit user commented, “Take her out shopping that day. Your wife will come home w/ ânewâ clothes, your daughter should get some new things also.”
Redditors don't think the tradition should end.
Although they agree the OP is not being a jerk, they don’t think ending the clothing swap is a good idea.
One person commented that he would be the a–hole if he tried to end the tradition. “First of all, it isnât yours to end. This belongs to the women of your family,” the person pointed out. “Your fatherhood, however, belongs to you. If your daughter doesnât wish to attend, she shouldnât be forced or compelled to against her own feelings â and as her dad, you are right to protect her from being made to participate or being made to feel bad about it.”
Another Reddit user pointed out the benefit of continuing the swap for the other family members’ sake. “As an average height person, [Kates]’s likely able to find more pieces of clothing that fit her properly ‘off the rack’ which is something that petite people struggle with once they reach adolescence.”
Yet another person had this reasonable suggestion, “NTA, but I donât think you should try to stop the tradition. The tradition needs to evolve. Ask the family if they can include accessories, or maybe add a new tradition of a secret Santa style event where everyone brings a specific person an item of clothing in their specific size.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
