Here's Clue #1: If your kid's walking around today saying "Happy 420!" this and "Go 420!" that, he's not happy because it's the 20th of April, folks. He's happy because it's 420, meaning: WEED DAY (420 is the annually celebrated holiday for potheads worldwide; 420 meaning here). And if your kid's happy that it's Weed Day, then he's probably also, well, stoned.
Okay, so what are some other signs your kid's probably smoking marijuana?
I don't see the point of living through my wild and wonderful youth if I can't turn all that experience into a way to mess with my kids and, in turn, your kids. Let's talk about pot smoking, what it looks like, smells like, and acts like.
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Whether you've already been having some suspicions about your teen or you're a "weed virgin" hoping to get the lowdown, here are several more clues your kid might be hitting the pot pipe:
- Glassy, red eyes that are half closed a lot. These eyes aren't tired. They're stoned …
- Your kid's grinning at you a lot — this isn't a smile, mind you, but a grin. Think Cheshire Cat but combined with the eyes described above.
- There's this sweet smoky burning smell wafting off your dear child that you can't identify, to which your kid keeps saying, "Man, I wish my friend Dan would quit smoking cigarettes. It's so bad for you." Yeah, that's not the smell of cigarettes and there's probably no friend named Dan either.
- You find rolling papers, a pipe, a soda can with a hole poked in the side of it, lots of empty baggies, or, better yet, a baggy with the green stuff still in it. Yes, he'll try to blame "Dan" for this one too, but he's lying.
- When you come into the kitchen in the morning, there are remnants. No, not weed remnants, not joint remnants — remnants of the munchies: Entire bags of potato chips demolished, whole cakes, boxes of cookies, that sort of thing.
- You catch your kid watching this video over and over.
- Somebody keeps sneaking Visine eye drops on the grocery list.
- A guy name "Lucky" (who doesn't look so lucky) drops by every few days for quick five-minute visits with your kid.
- Led Zeppelin, Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, the Grateful Dead … any song on repeat. Better check for cannabis, moms.
Yeah, it may seem like I'm being funny, but this list is based on real events. I used to "know people," you know?
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Of course, marijuana use can become more than silly, odd-acting experimentation and a serious problem or gateway drug for many kids. Other big-picture signs to watch for: A drop in school performance, disinterest in activities he/she used to enjoy, lying, feelings of paranoia or anxiety, passive behavior, and withdrawal from the family.
What will you do if and when you find out your kid's smoking weed?
Image via D.C.Atty/Flickr
