One of the weirdest things about becoming a mom is no longer being in control of the contents of your handbag. Gone are the days of cute little clutches holding only breath mints, a credit card, and some lipstick.
We are moms now. Now, most days we are lugging 10 pounds of diapers, wipes, toys, and God knows what else.
We asked 20 moms to open their purses and pull out the six weirdest items found within and the results are nothing short of hilarious. In honor of these moms, I also took it upon myself to write a haiku for each mom. Because nothing says poetry like finding a headlamp, stethoscope, and toy hammer you didn't even know you owned. Enjoy the slideshow below:
What crazy things have you found in your purse?
A's Bag
What's in it: A hanky, Hunger Games, a notebook with pen, an origami bunny, a chocolate candy bar, and, of course, a phone.
Our take:
Hunger Games for Train
Small Origami Bunny
For everything else.
AR's Bag
What's in it: A calendar, wallet, pen, greeting card, keys, and Kleenex.
Our take:
Kleenexes wipe noses
Calendar keeps time while keys
Jangle our stressed out mind.
J's bag
What's in it: 6 or 7 lip balms, a rock, Balmex diaper cream, toothpaste, broken watch strap from a Timex Ironman watch, ancient tiny tin of Burt's Bees hand salve.
Our take:
Lip balm heals all well
But not the broken time piece
That needs more than salve.
E's Bag
What's in it: a Diego figure, ear plugs, a Magic Treehouse book, Christmas M&M's, and a GPS.
Our take:
Diego hurts ears
Earplugs can't make us forget
But trying is fun
S's bag
What's in it: A marker, children's toothpaste, scissors, a CD — Columbus Police and Fire Pipes and Drums, a medicine dropper, and a WWE wrestling belt.
Our take:
Wrestlers can't beat moms
We brush teeth, give medicine
Cut, paste, draw, repeat
SW's bag
What's in it: Cheap baby wipes, a princess notebook, an umbrella, a toy hammer, a sunglasses case, and a clown nose.
Our take:
Only clowns like hammers
That are made of black plastic
Still, nice to have tools.
K's bag
What's in it: 3D glasses wrapper from The Lorax, a frog pen, a handmade felt poppy barrette, Pokemon, assorted hello kitty barrettes, a doll shoe, an owl mirror, a handmade coffee cozy, and bookmarks to celebrate Dr. Seuss' birthday.
Our take:
Glasses make for fun
With owls, hearts, felt, and barrettes
Seuss would be quite proud.
SS's bag
What's in it: Robot glove, helicopter, bottle of stool softener, container of bubbles, pirate, and three carabiners.
Our take:
Moms can climb mountains
With constipated robots
But bubbles come first.
M's bag
What's in it: An angry bird, Legal Seafood crayons, an Angry Birds watch, SpiderMan, fun-sized M&Ms, and a K-cup (coffee).
Our take:
Angry birds fill time
Legal Seafoods fills bellies
But caffeine fills mom.
L's bag
What's in it: Lipstick, head band, snack pack of nuts, passport application, red paper bow tie from Cat In the Hat day, desk reference DSM IV.
Our take:
Friend acting crazy?
Diagnose her with this book
Then they'll hate you.
SM's bag
What's in it: Medela pumping bottles, a teether, lipgloss, stain remover, oil absorbing sheets, and a stack of research articles.
Our take:
No one works faster
Working moms multitask well
Pump, read, apply gloss.
JS's bag
What's in it: Manhattan subway map, IKEA pencil, little girl's nail polish (Piggy Paint), Littlest Pet Shop surfboard, Colgate Wisps toothbrush.
Our take:
Mom thinks surfboard's weird
But daughter says it matters
Carry all for love.
B's bag
What's in it: A sheriff's badge, a frog on a rock, dice, a Spongebob ring, my Leather-man, and a weird puppy cheerleader figure.
Our take:
I shot the sherriff
With a puppy cheerleader
My one accomplice.
AA's bag
What's in it: Gorilla Glue, detached Dora arm, syringe, plastic eggplant, Christmas bulb, and butterfly hair accessory.
Our take:
Poor Dora met fate
Even glue could not amend
The bulb will be worse.
KG's bag
What's in it: a CD, a book, a color palette for clothing, a vegan bar, lollipops that the kids took from the bank but never ate, and some red Mac polish.
Our take:
Health food and books
Help to balance our mom guilt
But candy helps more.
JT's purse
What's in it: A headlamp, stethescope, travel size shampoo and soap, $100, alcohol swabs, passport.
Our take:
Headlamps must light things
The stethoscope amps up sound
Motherhood dulls sense.
HA's bag
What's in it: A contact case, some cash, wallet, jewelry, blush, and lip gloss.
Our take:
Applying makeup
In our home bathroom is gone
Moms learn to make do.
PP's bag
What's in it: Body spray, Sexy little things noir lotion, cookie coin purse, ninja turtle hair clip, powder, condoms, monkey, tooth on a stick.
Our take:
Between the tooth stick
and the monkey in my purse
Two kids are plenty.
LZ's bag
What's in it: Bubbles, fever patch, eye drops, USB drive, bow, iPod.
Our take:
Fever Patch helps to
Make sick kids better or just
Bust out the bubbles.
GM's bag
What's in it: 2 multi-use tools, a Greenies dog tooth brush, a moon rock calming stone, a guitar pick, a tiny pocket knife.
Our take:
Moms are MacGyver
We can brush a dog's teeth well
While playing guitar.
