We're not sure which is the more depressing statistic: that on any given day, over 45% of women report being on a diet or that most adults will do over 100 diets during the course of their lifetime. Perhaps the most depressing thing is that despite all the time, energy, and money (so much money!) people spend trying to lose weight, the science is really clear: diets just don't work for long-term weight loss.
Thankfully, there is a growing movement of women who are rejecting the idea that we have to constantly be losing weight or striving to be just a little thinner in order to be happy. We talked with 15 moms who have decided to reject toxic diet culture and to learn to make peace with their bodies and were so inspired by all their reasons for modeling a healthier way of life for their own kids.
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Not All Weight Loss Is Good
"I had terrible morning sickness and lost almost 20 pounds during my first six months of pregnancy. I mentioned this to a friend and she basically said 'oh lucky you, that's 20 pounds you won't have to lose after the baby' and it hit me how insane we are about weight stuff. Not all weight loss is good! A pregnant woman losing 20 pounds is actually bad. But we are so trained to want to lose weight that multiple people congratulated me on being thin during pregnancy. It just started me on a path to really trying to unlearn all the diet messages out there." — Jenny R., Minnesota
'Maintenance Phase'
"A friend of mine encouraged me to start listening to the anti-diet and anti-bogus health claims podcast Maintenance Phase when I told her I was going to start WeightWatchers again. I'm not kidding when I say that podcast rewired my brain and totally changed what I thought about diets and diet culture. Now I listen with my 13-year-old and I'm hoping I can help save her from a life spent stressing out about diets." — Andrea P., Arizona
No Logs for Life
"I had a kid in 2014 and dieting was not working for me like it used to. I couldn't get back to my pre-baby weight and I was doing everything. I was obsessively working out, logging food, trying to go gluten/sugar/dairy/caffeine/carb-free, trying to intermittent fast, trying to eat paleo and vegan at the same time and failing at all of it. I eventually tried a calorie tracking app and it "worked" and then after a couple months I plateaued, and then at some point realized wait, I might have to log my food every day forever. What a waste of my life! That kind of broke me and I decided I was done. My life is too short to spend every day worried about my weight and I don't want my kids seeing my tracking all my meals." — Sarai F., California
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Just Exhausted
"It was in 2018 and I was parenting toddler twins and my last diet left me completely exhausted. I accepted that I couldn’t live that way anymore. I slowly began to separate movement and food and find resources to support different ways of thinking about my body (therapy is great!). When it gets hard I remember that I don’t want my kids to grow up watching their mom on a perpetual diet like I did or to fear/hate fatness — either in others or within themselves." — Meaghan B., Ohio
I Could Have Died
"I battled a 20+ year long eating disorder that nearly took my life. And I realized that societal standards are doing actual harm, yo yo dieting is killing people sooner than being fat is, and that I deserve to accept my body for what it's given me. When I finally went into remission and then got pregnant, I vowed my child would never, ever see a mother who valued her weight more than her health." — Val E., Iowa
Fat Babies
"My babies were both fat, jolly babies with chubby cheeks and allll the rolls. And I loved how much joy a seeing a fat baby brought people. It might seem silly, but it kind of hit me: Why can't we just keep celebrating fat bodies (and medium bodies and all the bodies) forever? Why do we only love fat on babies?" — Mya W., Wisconsin
End the Cycle
"For me, family was a big part of dieting. I come from a family of mostly women who are constantly dieting, talking about bodies, and for many using more intense interventions like liposuction to be smaller. I was always on the heavier side and encouraged to lose weight and I just decided I'm ending the cycle with my girls. They are so much more than their size and, God, 40 years of talking about diets is boring AF." — Heather G., Texas
BMI Is Fake
"Learning about the history of the BMI and how it is rooted in white supremacy started me on a path to realizing that so much of diet culture is rooted in racism and fear of Black bodies. I'm not modelling that BS for my daughter." — Shanna D., New York
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TikTok Help
"I discovered a dietician on TikTok who changed my view on food. I slowly healed my food trauma because of her help. It was just in time too, I feel like my daughter is really starting to pay attention to the things I say and do and I don't want her seeing me track food or refuse to eat ice cream." — Kelly S., Florida
Did My Own Research
"When I was in grad school, I had to do a project for my research methods course. I was trying to lose weight at the time and decided to research which diet was the most supported by actual scientific research for long-term weight loss. The short answer: none of them. It was a big shock to my brain to realize I hadn't failed all those times I lost weight and then put it back on. Diets just don't work. Study after study proves it. It wildly changed my life to just give up on diets and to not feel even a little guilty about it." — Sasha C., New Jersey
Eat the Cake
"My grandmother was obsessed with her weight and was very proud that she never weighted more than 115 pounds (except when she was pregnant). When my son, the first grandchild, turned 1, I had a huge party and she refused to eat any cake. It made me think about how she also never had cake at family weddings, never kept sweets in the house, never took us out for ice cream.
"She died in a car accident a few months after that party and it just struck me as so sad. She never had a day in her adult life when she wasn't on a diet. Never got to eat a piece of cake at a grandchild's party. What a stupid waste. It broke my heart. And changed my brain." — Name withheld by request
The Run
"I was getting to go running (which I hate) and my daughter said 'I'll go run too! I can get skinny with you!' and wow, that made me feel very sh—y. She was only 5 years old! I didn't realize how much she was tracking all the things I said about trying to lose weight and how I was exercising for weight loss. I quit running and found a kind of movement I actually like doing (yoga and barre) and am really working on modeling body neutrality." — Joanna D., Montana
Counting the Cost
"I told my husband that I wanted to buy a Peloton during the pandemic and he kind of rolled his eyes. We got into a big fight about money and at one point he asked how much money I thought I'd spent on diets and gyms and fitness stuff in the last 10 years. I was determined to prove him wrong and actually sat down and figured it out. It was a lot. A lot. Like tens of thousands of dollars.
"It was sobering to realize how much money I'd wasted trying to lose the same 20 pounds. That started me on a whole journey of trying to figure out why I felt so much pressure to spend so much money on something and it kind of pissed me off to realize that there was a whole industry designed to make me feel bad about myself so I'd give them money.
"I did end up getting a Peloton though … I love it so much and I use it to exercise for my mental health and not to lose weight. That is money well spent!" — Katie N., Minnesota
No Diet Mama
"When I had my kids, I vowed I was never going to be critical of their bodies the way my mom was critical of mine. She was always talking about my size and putting me on diets when I was a kid. I realized that I had to start being kind to myself so my kids could see that it was possible to be gentle in your body, at whatever size they end up. I'm not going to be the diet police or the mama shamer." — Laurie W., South Carolina
Skinny Isn't on the List
"When I was pregnant, my husband and I were talking about all the characteristics we hoped our daughter would have: my eyes, his height, my sense of humor and ability to do math, his sense of direction, etc. And it kind of hit me that 'thin' or 'skinny' wasn't on the list. Because I knew I would love her at any and every size and that her size wasn't even going to be one of the top 100 interesting things about her. If that is true for her, why couldn't that also be true for me?" — Michelle J., Arizona
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
