I think I speak for most parents when I say none of us really want to think about our kids having sex. But unless your kid has plans of becoming a priest, chances are pretty darn good that it will happen one day. So how are you going to deal with it?
Have a birds and the bees talk (or 12)? Buy them some condoms or book an appointment with the gyno? Tell them to go watch clouds in the park or blow some bubbles instead of knocking boots?
Go ahead, guess which suggestions came from the, ahem, interesting list that a Christian school recently gave its teenage students detailing healthy alternatives to having sex.
They had good suggestions! For 6-year-olds …
More From The Stir: Sex Talk With Our Kids Should Start Right After Potty Training
It seems the folks at the Caloundra Christian College in Queensland, Australia didn't study their audience before developing their abstinence message. Their "101 things to do instead of doing it" reads like a how-to bore your teen to tears.
Check out the the actual examples of what they want horny teenagers to do the next time they're feeling a little randy.
Which is your "favorite"?
Image via SteveCoutts/Flickr
Share a drink with two straws
Go ahead, kids, get a drink, stick in the straws. Now both of you lean in, take a sip, stare longingly into each other's eyes … Don't you feel less inclined to jump each other's bones?
Look at clouds and see what you can make them into
Is that a penis in the air or is that cloud just happy to see me?
Blow bubbles in the park
You know what they'd rather be blowing?
Yeah, I went there. And so do most people over the age of 14 …
Surprise your parents by cleaning the house
Has anyone ever really said, "I'm sorry honey, I can't have sex right now because I really want to clean the toilet!"?
Have a burping contest
OK, while I'll admit that having someone burp in front of me is not exactly sexy, I've yet to hear of anyone burping their way to orgasmic bliss.
Not a replacement for that feeling, y'all.
Have a water fight
Two words: wet t-shirt.
Go fruit picking
Hey, kids! We're going to send you out into an orchard where there are no adults watching, and we expect you to be on your best behavior, m'kay?
Pretend you're 6 again
You know what 6-year-olds love to do? Run around the house naked. Just saying.
