When my first child was just a few months old, he had an epic diaper blow-out. It wasn't just a small leak where he got a little bit of poop on his onesie or on the changing table. There was poop everywhere, all the way from his tiny baby toes to his adorable curly hair. In that moment, I was certain that one massive diaper blow-out would be the absolute grossest moment in my parenting career. Now that I'm a more experienced mom, I know how naive I actually was.
In the eight years since that diaper disaster, I've dealt with so many other gross parenting moments — things like catching vomit in my hands (yes, actual vomit), a full week of the stomach flu that I still don't feel I have the strength to talk about, and a small child sneezing forcefully into my open mouth. People aren't lying when they say parenting isn't for the faint of heart, and I've got the horror stories to prove it.
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The bottom line is that parenting can be so completely gross, even after a mom has left the tiny babies and messy diapers phase behind, and it's all just a part of the job. Since misery loves company, I asked friends and fellow moms to share their most disgusting parenting moments, and boy, did they deliver. The best thing about these stories is knowing they happened to someone else. Fair warning: Some of these stories are WAY high on the gross-out meter.
Not a Sippy Cup
"I caught my 2-year-old drinking tub water from my Diva cup! I still can't think about it without triggering my gag reflex. Soooooo bad on so many levels. I couldn't even tell my husband." — DeeDee A., Saint Paul, Minnesota
The Booty Check
"Suspected my 4-year-old daughter had pinworms. Had to spread her butt cheeks while she was asleep and shine a flashlight to check for them." — Andrea L., Pierre, South Dakota
Not a Cheerio
"My husband thought he was eating a Cheerio off my son's shirt only to discover it was dried rotavirus poop, up the back of my son's shirt. Needless to say, my husband contracted rotavirus a day or two later." — Sara S., Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Major Poop Problem
"My grossest moment was when my son pooped out his own rectum. Strain enough on the pot and you can get rectal prolapse. It goes back on its own, but first you might make an ER trip on vacation, and scream at the staff, 'He's disemboweled!!!'
"And then they look and absolutely nothing is wrong, because it retracts on its own. It was so bad." — Carrie N., Saint Paul, Minnesota
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Ditch the Seat
"The first time my oldest ever had red food dye was a red velvet cupcake from Grandma in Illinois. We were on our way home to Minnesota a couple hours later and he threw up allllll over himself and his car seat.
"It was about 11 p.m., but we pulled over on the highway to clean it up the best we could, but bright red vomit was in every nook and cranny. It looked like blood — so freaky! We drove to the nearest Walmart, bought a new car seat, and left the old one in the parking lot." — Molly O., Saint Paul, Minnesota
Doggone It!
"My grossest moment? When my 2-year-old kid ate dog poop. Dog pooped on the floor in the front entryway, kid wandered over there, ate it, and came over to me with brown smears all over her mouth. I collapsed onto the floor in tears, called our clinic, and listened to them stifle their giggles while they told me everything was going to be fine." — Ellie B., Belle Plaine, Iowa
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Not Fresh
"When Mae was 1, she came toddling out of the bathroom, both hands shoved in her mouth, fists full of soaking wet toilet paper, water dripping down her arms, sucking the (not fresh) toilet water out of it." — Claire C., Saint Paul, Minnesota
Double Trouble
"My daughter vomited at a nice restaurant, all over the table, the floor, in her boots, etc. Cleaned it up and ran outta there. Ten minutes later while driving home, 9-month-old projectile vomits in his car seat. My husband tried to pull over and I told him to just keep driving so we could get home and deal with it." — Virginia R., Hartford, Connecticut
Handy!
"Just last night my son, who is getting over a stomach bug, was in the tub when he got a panicked look on his face. He stood up and I stuck my hand out and, well, caught the poop in my hand. At least I saved the bath water? #MomWin" — Hillary S., Fresno, California
Shopping Gross Out
"Three things to know about this story: my daughter was 4, was recently potty trained, and was wearing a skirt.
"We were at the grocery store and she was sitting in the back of the grocery cart. I was getting some stuff when I heard someone say, 'OH MY GOD.' Turns out my daughter had pooped and it had gone down her leg, and was on both the cart and the floor of the store. It was so gross. She was crying and I didn't even know what to do first. I just wanted to run." — Corey D., Tucson, Arizona
The Collection
"When we were packing our house to move, I moved my son's bed and discovered two things — a ton of dried boogers on the wall and his collection of used bandages. Not all of them were his. So gross." — Suzie B., Saint Paul, Minnesota
Gross Game
"I caught my sons playing a game they invented where they each tried to aim, spit, and hit a target. The target? Each other's open mouth. Ugh." — Jessica M., Phoenix, Arizona
Not a Snack
"I cleaned my daughter's ear with a Q-tip. I tossed it in the trash and didn't think of it again. Until I saw my 2½-year-old son sucking on something. Yep. Dirty Q-tip. Gag." — Lisa M., Jackson, Tennessee
Poop Detective
"My child was sucking on my engagement ring (no, I don't know why either) and managed to swallow my diamond! I had to have him poop in a tiny potty for days so I could play Poop Detective and try to find it.
"I did find it but I never want to talk about the process again. So gross." — Emily L., Las Vegas, Nevada
Not a Bean
"One night right after eating homemade nachos, my 8-year-old son bent to pick up a fallen black bean and then popped it in his mouth. I'll never forget his face and watering eyes as he cried — 'That wasn't a bean!!!'
"We also have a cat." — Anonymous mom
Nooooooo!
"Sick son was lying on couch. I was sitting on the floor, back resting against the couch, and we were watching TV. Suddenly he vomits all over my back, in my hair, and on the floor. I turn toward him and he vomits again, on my front, and some of it gets on my mouth." — Tricia W., Saint Paul, Minnesota
Not a Drink!
"My 2-year-old daughter constantly drinks the water when she's in the bathtub and I'm always telling her 'Don't drink it, it's yucky!' Well it's become the rule she loves to defy me on.
"The other night, after the usual struggle to not get her to drink from the tub, I was putting her in her pajamas and she said, "I peed!' And I said, 'In your pajamas?' And she said, 'No, in the tub!' The next day, I realized the towel I used to dry her reeked of pee!
"All I could think about were the little sips of water she kept taking while she had that 'Dare you to tell me to stop, mommy' look on her face." — Anonymous mom
