Let me be real: I love my kids but I HATED being pregnant. The constant nausea, the giant painful boobs, and — worst of all — being on the receiving end of 40 weeks worth of stupid pregnancy advice.
There is something about a pregnant woman that seems to make even the nicest people feel compelled to tell her how to live her life. From the old lady who told me not to lift my arms over my head (so I wouldn't strangle the baby) to my brother who loved to remind me not to "get too fat," there were so many eye roll–worthy moments.
I know I'm not alone in getting showered with rude, wrong, and just plain stupid pregnancy advice. Click on for some of the worst things 15 real expectant mothers heard along the way.
Block the Lap
"My mother-in-law told me that I shouldn't let my 2-year-old sit on my lap while I was pregnant. Why? So he wouldn't 'squish the baby.' Lady, that's not how that works. That's not how any of this works." — Lana C., Olathe, Kansas
Slim Stripes
"My mother told me not to wear a striped maternity top because the stripes 'weren't slimming.' I love you, Mom, but I was 39 weeks pregnant. Looking 'slim' wasn't really an option at that point." — Marisol G., Tubac, Arizona
Water Please
"My mother's friend told me that pregnant women shouldn't drink water because it makes us gassy. She suggested drinking nothing but whole milk or heavy cream. Yikes." — Jessica R., Baton Rogue, Louisiana
More from CafeMom: The Best Pregnancy Advice Nobody Follows
Sleep Now
"OMG. SO many people told me some version of 'sleep now, because you won't be sleeping when baby comes!'
"Listen, dummies, that's not a thing! You can't stockpile sleep. Sleeping more during pregnancy doesn't make you less tired later. And trying to sleep while pregnant sucks. Ugh. This advice still makes me annoyed." — Carmen S., Tucson, Arizona
Mama Runner
"I'm a runner and I got a lot of 'slow down!' when I was out running. I know my body. I'm not going to run so fast that the baby would just fall out." — Stephanie V., Kentwood, Michigan
Cover Up
"A random lady at the beach told me that my maternity bikini wasn't appropriate and that if I got too hot, the baby would stop developing. It was 76 degrees out." — Joanna A., San Diego, California
More from CafeMom: 5 Tips for Second Pregnancies
Spread it On
"My father-in-law refused to get me a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast because he had it in his head that ALL cheese is off-limits for pregnant ladies. Stop trying to police my food choices and give me a nice schmear of garden veggie on my bagel!" — Tristan B., St. Paul, Minnesota
Laptop 'Danger'
"My mother-in-law told me that using my laptop and Wi-Fi were 'so dangerous' because I could 'cook the baby with the waves.' I don't think she knows how Wi-Fi actually works." — Gayle M., Anchorage, Alaska
Just Say No
"My husband took A LOT of convincing to believe that we could safely have sex while I was pregnant. Apparently one of his idiot friends had him convinced the baby would be able to 'see' his penis and that would be bad, somehow? Yeah, I don't get it either. I was horny as hell when I was pregnant, so I was not taking that advice!" — Anonymous
Bye Bye, Fluffy
"My mom read online that you shouldn't keep cats around while you are pregnant. I tried to help her understand the difference between not changing cat litter and not keeping your cat, but she was very worried my cats were super dangerous to my unborn baby. They can be assholes, but I'm not giving them up because my mom read something on the Internet!" — Jennifer W., Hudsonville, Michigan
More from CafeMom: The Seemingly Harmless Pregnancy Trend That's Putting Babies at Risk
Food Police
"I found all of the food policing that pregnant women get is so annoying, but the worst is [the] people who try to tell you not to eat stuff that is totally fine to eat. I was told not to eat fresh veggies, for crying out loud, because I could get E. coli, and not to eat fruit because of pesticides. Ridiculous!" — Eriana S., Portland, Oregon
Bed Rest
"My grandmother was SHOCKED that I was going to work up until my due date. She said I should put myself on bed rest as soon as I hit 30 weeks. I'm not sure where she came up with that very specific piece of bad advice." — Pattie S., Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Flats Only
"I am a total shoe junkie and I basically only wear heels, so I got a lot of 'I can't believe you are still wearing those' when I was pregnant. I admit, some of the pairs weren't as comfortable as they used to be, but it annoyed me that people acted like I was crazy or doing something bad for the baby just because I wanted to still look professional and stylish." — Corinne S., Nashville, Tennessee
Pill Popper
"My own husband tried to give me bad advice and basically pregnancy shamed me for wanting to take some pain relievers when I had a pounding headache — a headache caused by my giving up my beloved Diet Coke like he asked me to! He felt like I couldn't take any medicine, ever, basically. Dude, I have a handout from my doctor on approved medicine, I'm good!" — Zoe R., Des Moines, Iowa
Don't Let Him See
"My grandma told me that you should never let your man see you naked once you start to show. She's from the old-school place that you also shouldn't let men in the delivery room. Times change! My husband loved my big old belly!" — Tasha D., Ann Arbor, Michigan
