It's important to have candid conversations with your partner and family before giving birth, because when there's so little about birth that you can actually plan for, who you want in the delivery room might be the only thing you're able to control. Loved ones should be your biggest advocates in ensuring that your wants are respected during this vulnerable time. Which is why, when one woman found out that while she was being stitched up from a C-section, her mother-in-law was not only in the operating ward, but also holding her newborn — before she even had the chance to — this mom was livid at both her MIL and her husband.
The anonymous mom explained on Mumsnet that she had a traumatic delivery six weeks ago that resulted in an emergency C-section.
Before her daughter's birth, she had told her husband that she didn't want any family at the hospital and wanted them to have a few hours alone as a new family before visitors arrived.
However, his mom is a doctor, and upon hearing the stressful news of the unexpected operation, he called her for support. Grandma-to-be quickly grabbed her hospital badge from home, and even though he didn't ask her to come, she let herself into the ward during Mom's surgery. "I wasn't asked if it was okay if she could be there, and because I was being stitched up [in the operating room] still, she held my [dear daughter] before I even got to."
Not only did she get to hold the baby first, but a doctor came in and mentioned some incredibly personal medical information, which the MIL overheard.
"I'm livid that the midwives allowed her to be there without asking me and I'm angry that [dear husband] didn't advocate for me more too," she wrote. "He should have told her not to come, or to wait outside."
The woman explained in a later comment that her MIL is very much "a dominating and controlling woman" and that despite meaning well, she often uses her status as a doctor for special treatment. "Yes, she was coming to support her son. But what happened to checking with the woman who's just been cut open and had her baby removed from her for 45 mins, if it's okay if someone can be in the recovery area (which she had accessed illegally) holding her child, without her permission?" she wrote.
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Many agreed that this MIL crossed a serious line and it's no wonder that this mom is still furious six weeks later.
Others pointed out that it wasn't entirely her MIL's fault and that if she wants to be mad, she should be upset with her husband.
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Then there were those who didn't see the problem, period.
Some even came to the MIL's defense, explaining that they would come running too if their upset son called and needed support.
But to those who think they would do the same thing in this situation, this mom commented with an important perspective: "For anyone saying they'd 'walk through fire' etc. and do the same if it was their son — please don't," she wrote. "Stealing that moment from your DIL is cruel whether you realize it or not."
