It's a standard routine in many households is for one person to do more than the other, often only getting the partner to pitch in after spelling out exactly what needs to be done. Then, despite the chore being completed, the person ends up getting pissed off for even having to ask the partner in the first place.
For the "doers" of the relationship, it can seem mind-blowing that their partners can't just see what needs to be done on their own and actually do it. It's exhausting. If you've ever been in this situation, you're not alone, and one mom wants the husbands of the world to stop infuriating their wives and just use their eyes to pitch in for once.
The mom of two took to Facebook to highlight the uneven division of labor.
Constance Hall is a blogger from Australia who is beloved by many because she calls it like she sees it. In a Facebook post, not even her new husband was safe as she refused to hold back about the inequality of their workloads.
"Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing 'preach Queen,' someone said to me, 'if you want help you need to be specific … ask for it. People need lists, they aren't mind readers,'" the mom wrote on Facebook.
So she decided to take her friend's advice and tried asking for help with clear specifics.
"Can you take the bin out?" "Can you get up with the kids? I'm just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years."
"Can you go to [Woolworth's]? I've done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating [expletive] in the pond."
You see? Very specific.
It worked, but …
Constance admits that while her friend was right because it got stuff done, there is still a serious problem with this nagging-wife plan.
"I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air … remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging …" she wrote. "And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking …? NOTHING."
The problem wasn't solved.
At the end of her experiment, Constance learned that giving her husband "instructions" didn't solve the problem.
"I've come to the conclusion that it's not your job to ask for help, it's not my job to write [expletive] lists …" she wrote. "We have enough god damn jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them."
We all deserve better.
It's no longer good enough for partners to ask how they can help or to pitch in with what's been asked of them. If you see something, do it, because your eyes work just as well as your partner's and you're just as capable of spotting all the things that need to be taken care of.
"Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god damn house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet? Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day?" Constance asked.
'Is one of you carrying the weight?'
"Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists … All you're left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer," she wrote. "It's not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That's your job. Just do the [expletive] dishes without being asked once in a while mother [expletive]."
