We all know that having "the talk" with our kids can be majorly awkward. But should you include masturbation in your sex talk? An Australian sex-positive journalist is saying that not only is self-pleasure essential information for our growing kids, but also that parents aren't the only ones who should be talking to them about it. Nadia Bokody strongly believes that it should be taught in schools — before kids hit 11 years old –but not everyone agrees.
Nadia argues that the current sex education program is "frighteningly inadequate" compared with how sexualized the world has become.
Nadia, who is the editor of She Said, told the The Daily Mail that, _"_Kids need to be learning about masturbation as soon as they hit puberty, as young as 11." If not, she fears that billboards and Instagram will spread the wrong messages to kids about sex and what is sexual.
"Whether we like it or not, research shows kids ARE having sex, and much of it is unprotected and had well before there is a clear understanding around how consent works," she said. "Masturbation is one of the safest, healthiest activities a young person can do in the privacy of their own bedroom," she explained. "And yet we continue to shame it and avoid discussion of it when it has the power to potentially prevent cases of sexual trauma and STDs."
But what really concerns her is the lack of good information about sex and the shame associated with masturbation, especially for girls.
She tells The Daily Mail that boy are taught how to label every part of their genitals from a young age, while girl's anatomy remains "shrouded in mystery and stigma."
"Girls should be taught to label all the parts of their vaginal anatomy from as young an age as possible," she argued. "Is it any wonder then that young women go into the world thinking their pleasure is a non-issue during sex?"
Nadia pointed out a recent study in Time Magazine which looked at a study from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) that found that on average, less than half of girls ages 14-17 had ever masturbated, while half of the boys in that same age range said that they masturbated at a minimum twice a week.
Because our current version of sex education focuses on the mechanics of sex (or reproductive biology as writer Dan Savage has said), Nadia told The Daily Mail that girls don't understand the emotional reasons behind sex, which includes their own pleasure.
"[Girls are] going out and having partnered experiences without any understanding of what their bodies are even supposed to feel during arousal and orgasm," she argued. "Masturbation is the safest way to learn what you do and don't like without risking your health in the process."
And Nadia points out that most kids are getting their information about sex from porn, which is why schools need to step in.
"The fact is, kids as young as ten are accessing porn now and taking much of their sexual cues from [porn]. If schools don't take on the responsibility to educate kids about their sexuality, they are going to continue to take it from the media, which, as we all know, presents very mixed, and troubling, messages about sex."
A recent study by the University of East London confirms this finding, reporting that one fifth of boys ages 16-20 say that are "dependent on porn as a stimulant for real sex."
Interestingly, many parents disagree -- but not for reasons you may assume.
They believe that kids should learn about masturbation naturally and not through a teacher.
And of course, others think it should be up to parents.
But in a study performed by the University of Montreal, 45 percent of kids look at their parents as their sexual role models. Meaning that if we don't talk to them about sex, then who knows where they'll get their information from.
In the United States, only 25 states require mandated sexual education classes. And of those 25, only 13 states have required that these classes are medically accurate. Which means that if we don't figure how to have these kinds of conversations, awkward or not, then we might be failing our kids in the long run.
