Today my daughter changed her profile picture. After maybe five minutes, I get a text … "I didn’t know she was dating a black boy, did you?”
My daughter is 18, her boyfriend is 20. They have been dating for a few months and because he lives in a different town, not many people around us knew about it. It took me all day to think up a response, which I didn’t send personally but thought I would share for anyone else that “may not know.”
Yes in fact I did know, but the color of his skin doesn’t define who he is.
What does define who he is is how he treats my daughter.
I see my daughter dating a boy that comes to my house and shows me nothing but respect (a big deal in my book). It’s always "Yes Ma’am," "No Ma’am." We talk about football and baseball, he tells me bye when he leaves, and has not once shown me a lack of manners or respect.
I see my daughter dating a boy who treats her well.
He takes her on dates, to ballgames, out to eat … not to a club or partying on the weekends.
I see my daughter dating a boy who takes her to church with him. Every Sunday. He plays in the band; she sits with his family. How many young men these days make church a priority? None of the others have.
He doesn’t hit her, cuss at her, lie to her, or make her cry.
Would I rather her date a white boy that did, to keep from her dating another race? Absolutely not.
So that’s my response to the question I was asked.
And I know people have their own opinion, but at the end of the day, the fact that my daughter has someone that loves her and treats her like a queen makes me happy. That’s something I’ve never had in my life and I’m glad she does.
I decided to share this message for everyone to see and (hopefully) learn from it.
The person that originally messaged me about it was just someone that we both knew, no one that was family or anyone close. I’m assuming the person got the point because I haven't heard anything else from her!
I actually showed my daughter the post before I posted it publicly, just to make sure it was ok with her.
One of my main reasons for speaking out was to just let my daughter know that I love and support her.
We are in Mississippi where, unfortunately, some of the older generation still have opinions about mixed-race relationships, and I knew that she would have to face that eventually. Because of how others view mixed-race relationships, I just wanted her to know that wasn't how I felt.
I am a single parent and my daughter has two older brothers, age 20 and 22. A year ago, I almost lost my middle son to an accident. He was on a tractor and was hit head on by a diesel truck. I promised myself then that I would always do what I needed to, to make sure that my children were happy and enjoying life, and that we had a strong relationship since no one is promised tomorrow.
I have met her boyfriend, and I couldn't ask for anyone better for her.
I have received so many positive and encouraging responses that I hope maybe others change their views. Out of the hundred thousands of messages I have received, I would say maybe less than a hundred have been negative. I have also received messages from parents that said they are rethinking some things and hopefully going to try to mend their relationships with their child. So maybe more good has come from this post than I intended. I can only hope in my own little way that I have made a difference!
This post was written by Heather Boyer and printed with permission.
