There are lots of reasons why new moms choose to breastfeed (provided that they can). It has tons of proven health benefits, promotes quality bonding, and — last, but definitely not least — breast milk is free. Yep. Like it or not, the cost of formula can really add up. That said, the choice to breastfeed or formula feed is personal to every mom, and it belongs to her alone. That is why one dad's recent Reddit post on the topic has people getting pretty fired up, because he seems to want to make that choice for her.
In the controversial post, dad says he was initially supportive when his wife switched to formula after breastfeeding their first baby for six months.
At the time, she was heading back to work, and pumping as a busy ER nurse was taking its toll. It made sense. But by the time her daughter reached 18 months old, his wife had become "miserable" in her job. So, they crunched some numbers, and she decided to quit.
Of course, that wasn't easy.
"It’s super tight," he shared in his post. "We had about $50-$75/month left after bills, groceries, etc."
So when his wife started talking about having a second baby, his immediate thoughts went to how they could afford it.
"I was about to start a nurse anesthetist program," he continued, "and told her I’d prefer to wait when our situation was better."
But his wife was persistent, and wouldn't drop the whole Baby No. 2 thing.
"She talked about how since we already had cloth diapers, all the baby gear, and she could exclusively breastfeed this time since she wasn’t working that it wouldn’t add anything to our finances."
He said he reiterated that he wanted her to wait, but claims she got a little sneaky, went off her birth control, and BOOM — she was pregnant within a few months.
Now, Baby No. 2 is 16 weeks old, and his wife says she no longer wants to exclusively breastfeed, "because formula is easier."
"She’s having no supply issues or latch issues," he explains, "she just doesn’t want to anymore."
The thing is, the dad isn't sure where they'll get the money this time.
"I told her that we couldn’t afford formula and if that’s what she wanted to do then she’d have to go back to work," he wrote.
He says his wife could "easily" pick up a PRN position and work a few times a month, and their parents even agreed to step up and babysit. But his wife doesn't exactly see it that way.
"My wife thinks I should just pick up an extra shift, which I could do," he added, "but currently I have every other Friday off and it’s my day to study, do some chores, and spend time with my family."
Ultimately, he says he gets that it's his wife's body, and therefore her choice if she wants to stop, but that she has to consider the cost.
"Even with coupons, discounts, etc. $15-$35 dollar cans of formula are not in our budget," he concluded.
Aside from the whole breastfeeding vs. formula debacle, many people were actually more concerned with the whole ditching the birth control thing.
"She's TA for going off birth control and not informing you," one person wrote.
"After reading the title I was ready to go in guns blazing, but knowing she ignored you and basically decided to get pregnant without your consent, I think it's a reasonable request," another person added. "She decided to not respect your logic and get pregnant anyway. She needs to suck it up and step up and provide more for her family, especially since it's not a supply issue."
"Your wife is for not telling you about going off birth control," a third person added. "Wow, that is a huge, waving red flag!"
Plenty of others thought the dad was being pretty unreasonable, though.
"I understand where you are coming from, but ultimately your wife has to make the final decision to breastfeed or not," one person advised. "Maybe she’ll come around."
"YTA for the ultimatum," another person added. "There may be other reasons why she doesn’t want to breastfeed, including postpartum depression/anxiety. Breastfeeding is also not easy. Forcing her to go to work without discussing with a counsel[or] first is a bad idea."
"There could be medical reasons she can not breast feed or even pump, criticizing her will affect her," a third person said.
In an update to his post, the dad actually came to his wife's defense, saying that she hadn't necessarily deceived him.
"My wife's intent was not to deceive me or go behind my back to get pregnant," he wrote. "The conversations around having another baby were long and plentiful with me agreeing with her on a lot of stuff like, yes it'd be nice to have kids a little closer in age, yes I can see how your revised budget would work, yes I know it took a long time for you to get pregnant before, yes I think (their oldest) would be a great big sister. But at the end I always said 'I'd prefer to wait.'"
(Hmmm … OK.)
"It took us a year after my wife went off birth control to get pregnant the first time," he continued. "She assumed it'd take the same amount of time and if she timed it well then going off birth control when she did and then 3/4 of a year of pregnancy, I'd almost be graduated."
Well, that one makes a little more sense, I suppose.
Ultimately, he agreed with the commenters to a point, saying, "She should absolutely have told me she never refilled her bc prescription," but he says it's not the end of the world. "She made a mistake, we worked through it, and she is not a horrible person," he added.
As for where they landed on the whole breastfeeding vs. formula thing, though, the jury is still out.
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