Keeping small kids occupied (and behaving) while you're out running errands can be no small feat — especially when a quick task can turn into an annoyingly tedious one. Kids are exhausting and full of energy and not always so patient. That's why the last thing you deserve after a long afternoon of running errands and kid-wrangling is snarky judgment from strangers who've witnessed exactly 2% of your day. But that's exactly what one anonymous mom had to deal with recently, after a rude shopper turned her trip to Costco from bad to worse.
The mom of two shared her story in an anonymous post on the popular Facebook page Breastfeeding Mama Talk, where she vented her frustrations.
"To the man at Costco today who glanced over at me at on my phone while my babies were fussing and felt the need to say, 'You see these babies? They fuss like that because they want your attention,'" the new mom recalled in her post. "'Maybe you should get off of your phone and give them your attention.'ā
(Oh yes, he did.)
It happened after the mom had been standing in the membership line for a slow-moving 15 minutes — after which she'd pulled out "books, snacks, patty cake, and even took to creepily pointing out items in buggies as customers left the store to entertain them."
In other words: She'd done everything she could to entertain her kiddos, who were understandably bored and restless while sitting in the front of her shopping cart.
Of course, the rude stranger had been standing in line behind the family for all of two minutes -- and quickly formed some STRONG opinions.
Maybe if he had been in line for a bit longer he would have seenĀ "the smiles and laughs and interaction" between the mom and her two kids. Maybe then he would have understood that over time, the kids inevitably got a bit fussy. So, she intervened.
"Sensing the meltdown brewing, I took out my phone, downloaded the Costco app and texted my husband to ask what our log in is in an attempt to just get my membership card on my phone," she explained in her post. "Because I ran out of tricks and my kids ran out of patience, and now my goal was to just get us out of this line as quickly as possible before they released the kraken."
And, of course, that was the exact moment this stranger happened to get in line and unleash a flurry of judgment on the mom.
Yep -- mom shaming is alive and well, people. And if you didn't already know that, this mama's post sure serves as a glaring reminder.
In it, she sarcastically thanked the stranger for his unsolicited parenting advice while also throwing shade atĀ him for seriously missing the mark.
"Thank you for taking the time out of your day to shame a young mother with two tiny children," she continued. "Thank you for seeing a stressful moment and deciding, 'I think Iāll make this worse for her.'ā
Because in truth, that's exactly what he did.
She ends her post with a message to anyone who may come across a mom of young kids and think they know anything about her life.
If you're going to make unwarranted assumptions, she wrote, how about this:Ā
"Assume she is stressed out. Assume she is trying her da–dest to get through the situation. Assume this is the very last place she wants to be. Assume sheād rather be home cuddling, playing, running around with her babies. Assume she probably has had no sleep since her first child was born. Assume she is hungry because her toddler decided he wanted extra eggs this morning so she gave him her breakfast in addition to his own. And if you have nothing kind or supportive to offer her, please mind your own business."
The fact is, this stranger saw exactly two minutes sliced out of one mom's day -- and missed the full picture in the process.
And isn't that always the problem when it comes to judging others we hardly know? We're only meeting in passing, privy to a few fleeting minutes of the day. Our peek into their lives shows only a sliver of who they are and what they're about and burdens they're carrying. If we really wanted to leave an impression on them or make a situation better than it is, we'd lend an encouraging word or extend a gesture of empathy — especially if the situation is not impacting our own lives.
"Our babies are healthy, our babies are happy (despite the fact that they are not currently pleased with standing in line at Costco), and our babies are loved fiercely by us," the mom ended her post. "And for the love of God, our babies can wait 2 minutes while we try to solve a problem on [our] phone."
Once the post was shared over the weekend, it quickly garnered hundreds of comments.
Many lamented that they too had been through similar experiences that still eat away at them.
"An old woman recently said to me that she felt sorry for my baby not getting enough attention because I was on my phone," one mom shared. "Firstly, my baby was fast asleep, and secondly, I was replying to my friend who I was meeting later at a local farm where we were meeting with our daughters for a picnic and to see the animals. You know — the kinda thing us mums do for children not getting enough attention!"
"I had a similar thing happen to me in the grocery store," another mom wrote. "That woman hopefully learned a lesson that day. You keep your mouth shut and mind your own business. I take my kids everywhere because this is how they learn."
Another mom pointed out how these small yet upsetting incidents really point to a larger issue.
"This is the problem with parenting in our society," she wrote. "Everyone is so quick to judge but not lend a helping hand."
Others, however, shared stories where kind strangers came to the rescue or lent a word of encouragement, which restored their faith in humanity.
"When my son has had meltdowns at Walmart, I have had older people start talking to him because they know that usually works to calm them down because they get embarrassed or shy," one mom wrote. "Very helpful for me and Iām pretty thankful for those people."
Others have shared that their own experiences with fussy babies have led them to step in and be of service when they've seen other moms going through it.
"Many times pre and post babies I have played peekaboo with fussy babies in carts or prams waiting in lines while a mum frantically tried to unload the groceries," wrote one mom. "Last week I snuggled a tired, crying baby in the swimming pool change room while his mum rushed to get dressed and my own kid played in a puddle on the floor. Letās just lend a helping hand and not be so quick to judge!"
Oh, if only the world was filled with kind strangers like these. Parenting would sure be a whole lot less stressful, for one thing. But it would also help us all feel like at the end of the day, no matter what we're going through, the people surrounding us aren't casting silent (or not-so-silent) judgment on our struggles. That's a world I'd sure love to see one day.
