Being concerned about a loved one's declining health is understandable. But one dad is lighting up Reddit after sharing a new tactic for what he thinks will help his daughter get her health back on track — and not everyone agrees with his approach. It seems the 53-year-old dad has become "increasingly worried" about his 22-year-old daughter's weight gain, and recently pitched the idea that he would pay her to lose weight.
In his post, the dad insists his daughter's weight gain is more than just an "aesthetic issue," and that he has "genuine concerns about her health."
His adult daughter, who no longer lives at home, recently started a graduate program out of town where he agrees to pay for her tuition and rent. In exchange, she keeps a part-time job that covers her grocery bills, utilities, spending money, and more.
"This works out well as I am happy to cover these expenses since she is in school," the dad explained. "However, she often says that she wishes she earned more money, since she does not have a ton of spending money for leisure activities, clothes, etc."
When it comes to the topic of her weight, the dad wrote he's tried broaching the topic before, as "delicately" as he could.
"She was actually quite receptive, and I could tell she was a bit hurt but she told me that she knew it was an issue that she should be addressing," he continued. "However, currently she is not sufficiently motivated to do it, and is busy with her school and part time job so struggles to find time to go to the gym."
It was this that gave the dad an idea he floated past her: If she started going to the gym, he would give her money.
"This is to serve as a motivator, but also for practical reasons as she can pick up fewer shifts at her job and have more time to go to the gym," he explained.
As part of the deal, he'll give her $15 for every hour she spends at the gym.
"This is working on an honour system since I trust her, and I did not think it would be appropriate to pay her by pounds lost," he continued, adding that it could also encourage healthy eating.
But he knows there might be something askew with the offer. For one thing, his wife flat-out told him she thinks it's a "disgusting" idea.
"But I think I am helping her by replacing her shifts at her job with 'shifts' at the gym — and financially compensating this," the dad argued.
Still, he wants to know: Is he kind of a jerk for paying his daughter to lose weight?
Some users thought the dad wasn't a jerk at all, and in fact thought he was just being a caring dad.
"It’s nice that you’re so supportive and invested in your child," wrote one user.
"Can I get in on this plan?" added another. "I’d love to get paid to workout!"
"I see nothing wrong with the arrangement that you both seem quite happy with," said another. "Fifteen dollars is minimum wage age where I am, and so it makes a lot of sense to incentivize her with lost pay from the job. As long as you are not insulting or belittling her, which it does not sound like you are, then you are good in my book."
Others responded to his "arrangement" with a big 'ole NOPE.
"Please please please please don't do this," pleaded one person. "My mum has spent the last 10 years of my life trying to control my weight with bribes, with paying for a personal trainer, with all sorts. All it did was push a wedge between us."
"I think your wife is right," argued another user. "My dad offered me a similar situation, I got to have a car, for free, if I lost weight, by a certain date."
"This situation has effected me negatively ever since," the person continued. "It made it very apparent that my father felt my body was not sufficient. Sure, I was receptive at the time he offered it like your daughter was, but only because I wanted the car, and because any other reaction felt inappropriate."
And after all that, the plan didn't even work.
"I did not lose enough of the weight, and the car was not enough of a motivator to make me do so," the commenter added. "I personally think the motivation to change your body needs to come intrinsically."
In fact, that's the argument a lot of Reddit users made -- at the end of the day, the decision to change is a personal one.
"[The dad's] heart may be in the right place, but trying to fix a lifetime of unhealthy habits with a new gym routine is working from the wrong direction," one person wrote. "The thoughts, feelings, and intrinsic beliefs she has about herself will still fuel damaging behavior, be it continuing a poor relationship with food, or escalating to something else."
"No one ever lost weight/got off drugs/got healthy/broke up with someone bad for them/stopped drinking because someone else told them they should/paid them to," another commenter argued.
So what should the dad do? People definitely had LOTS of opinions.
Most of the advice, however, revolved on solving underlying food issues before all else.
"You lose weight in the kitchen, not the gym," wrote one person. "It’s generally easier to create a calorie deficit through dietary change than through exercise. Going to the gym still has a lot of significant benefits, but it’s not necessarily sufficient for weight loss, depending on your diet."
That's why many people suggested a nutritionist to be the better route — especially if it's truly his daughter's health he's concerned about.
"Nutritionists are a hugely under appreciated resource, IMO," wrote one person. "Not only can they work on a dietary and exercise plan with your daughter, they can act as a third party support system, and arm her with the info she needs to make healthier decisions going forward."
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