Kindergarten is a true learning experience. Not just for our kids, but also for us as parents. We’re all learning how to navigate new territory. And there are important rules and structures in place to make that easier for everyone. A kindergarten teacher on TikTok is issuing a warning for parents, especially those who use gentle parenting: Say no to your kids.
But not just that, make sure that they truly understand what the word means. Because the teacher says that once she gets them in her classroom, it’s hard to teach kids who can’t hear the word “no.”
She went on a bit of a rant.
Teacher Emily Perkins posted a video on TikTok knowing that she was about to say something that would ruffle feathers. In her video, she explains that people will often ask her what their kids need to know before starting kindergarten. Her advice might come as a shock. She doesn’t care if they can open their own snacks or tie their shoes.
“Tell your child no,” she said seriously. “Tell them no as a complete sentence.”
@emmymckenny No. No no no. No. #teachersoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #controversial ♬ original sound – Emperky
Perkins is aware her advice might seem ‘controversial.’
“Do not teach them that telling them ‘No’ invites them to argue with you,” she demanded. But why would she request this? Her ability to effectively teach your child depends on their ability to hear her say no.
“If I can’t tell your child ‘No’ as an adult, and they don’t respect the ‘No,’” she said emphatically, “they’re basically unteachable.”
She makes it clear that she will do all of the other things they’re unable to do: tying shoes, opening snacks, washing hands. In her mind, those are easy things for teachers to do on the daily. But she says teachers cannot deal with constantly fighting with kids who never hear the word “no.”
Her comments are targeting ‘gentle’ parents.
Perkins continued, saying that “gentle parenting gets thrown around like an award.” But in her mind, not being able to say no to your child isn’t gentle parenting.
“Congratulations, you’re a pushover,” she deadpanned. “You can validate your child’s feelings without being a pushover.”
“I had a parent tell me that they don’t tell their child ‘No’ because it triggers them,” she said, clearly frustrated by the experience. “If you want to have a kid who you can’t tell ‘No,’ and you don’t want to use the word ‘No’ in your vocabulary — you want to be able to tell them ‘No’ and then they argue with you immediately — teach your own kids,” she said seriously.
In short, it comes down to wanting everyone to be successful. “If your child’s teacher can’t tell them ‘No,’” she said, “it’s really hard to help them learn.”
Her words aren’t as controversial as she may believe.
Reading through the comments, it’s clear that there are a lot of people who agree with what Perkins said.
“This is why I come home exhausted each day,” one person wrote. “Having 18 6yr olds argue with me all day and then choose to ignore me and do whatever they want anyway is so tiring.”
“Not a teacher just a mom, but YES,” someone else added. “Not everything needs to be a lesson…sometimes because I said so is a complete sentence.”
“A child who doesn’t hear the word ‘no’ becomes an adult who doesn’t respect the word ‘no’ and therefore doesn’t respect people’s boundaries,” another commenter shared.
Another person gave their perspective: “Preschool teacher here. you are 10000000000% correct. Let them struggle a bit so they can ACTUALLY do hard things. Let them experience disappointment! make them resilient!”
