Naming your baby is a pretty momentous thing — something couples everywhere often mull over for months before finally reaching a compromise. But for one woman on Reddit, that's not exactly how it happened. In a recent post that's getting people fired up in the comments, the woman explained how a debate over naming their daughter after her late mother-in-law turned into a bitter dispute the couple is still arguing about.
It all started after the Reddit poster learned she was pregnant, and the couple was informed they were having a girl.
It wasn't long before they started discussing names, and her husband right away said they should name the little girl after his late mother, who passed away several years ago.
Now, most people would find this sentiment sweet, and readily agree to pass on the name. But the Redditor couldn't quite jump on board.
"I loved his mom," the woman admitted in her Reddit post, "but she had a very 'grandma' sounding name. Think Mildred or Ethel."
While the anonymous mother didn't divulge the exact name, she did say that it had enough of a "Grandma"-like ring to it for her to drop it off the baby name list.
Instead, she suggested it as a middle name, in an effort to compromise.
But nope.
"[My husband] said no, no, it should be her first name," the woman recalled. "I said no, names should have a two yes, one no rule. But I was more than happy to give her the name as a middle."
Their baby name squabble dragged on for months, and didn't seem to resolve itself as the baby's due date inched closer.
"He’d veto any name I picked: classic, modern, a nickname of his mom’s name but still not the full one," she shared. "It wasn’t what he wanted."
There was no getting around it: He wanted his mama's name, and he was NOT budging on the matter.
Finally, D-Day arrived, and the little girl was born.
At first, the mother said all was calm, and that the couple was "thrilled" about becoming new parents.
But that's when things spiraled out of control …
"He says something about naming her after his mom again and I just don’t answer," the Reddit poster recalled. "Instead, later when asked, I said it was Lily (his mom’s name as a middle)."
This honestly floored the new dad, who needed to sign off on the name and was suddenly faced with a name on their daughter's birth certificate he was not expecting.
Needless to say, the husband was pissed.
"I told him that I wouldn’t sign off on his mom’s name being the baby’s first name and that I gave him ample time to help me pick something else," the wife shared. "He reluctantly signed it and does call her Lily."
But all is not exactly fair in love and war …
It's now been six months since their daughter was born, and the dad is still not over it.
"[He] says I bullied him into naming our daughter something he didn’t want," wrote the wife. "I asked how it was any different than what he tried to do to me when I was freshly hormonal and had just given birth. Who is the [expletive] here?"
Hmmm …
But even if this topic is pretty hot-button, it seems the people of Reddit were united in their opinion: Mom was not in the wrong here.
"This may be a divisive topic, but I'm going with NTA," wrote one Redditor. "You had 9 months to decide on a name and he was being mule-headed and dug his heels in, when you gave him ample options, given what you have described. You tried to compromise, he pretty much refused to meet you in the middle, instead hoping to get his way when she was actually born."
"At some point when the other person is being unreasonable and doesn't let go, either you need to get out the big guns, are roll over and take it," another person added. "[The mom] was honest with her husband, tried to compromise, gave him plenty of option s… So no, you're not the AH for holding strong and not letting your husband bully you."
Several also pointed out a few unspoken baby naming "rules" every parent should respect.
The general rule is that all the kids' parents should say 'yes" to the name, but … that assumes they're operating in good faith," one person noted. "The husband was clearly not if he was vetoing every name besides the one he wanted."
"Agreed," added someone else. "If one parent vetoes a potential name, it's out. I don't care if it's your recently deceased parent, a family tradition, the ideal name you've had in your head since childhood. Naming a child isn't a unilateral decision when there's two parents. [The mom] was forced down that route by her husband's inability to compromise."
In the wife's defense, people argued, she did provide him with ample other baby names to choose from — but he was too stubborn to open his mind.
If anyone lacked the ability to compromise here, it was definitely the dad, many people said.
"She doesn't like ONE name," one person wrote. "He doesn't like dozens if not more because he's stubborn. She is NTA at ALL and anyone who thinks she's partially at fault probably isn't a compromising partner themselves."
And finally, another person had this to say about the great baby-naming debate:
"I also think it’s fair that if a baby carries the father’s surname, the mother should get to choose the first name, that way it has a little from both parents. Middle name can be agreed on by both or chosen by the dad if he had his heart set on one."
(Honestly, that's not a bad way of looking at it!)
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