As COVID-19 permeates every nook and cranny of our lives this week, a lot of moms are at home with kids, self-isolating as best as possible. We are looking for connection while being told to distance ourselves. We seek levity at a time of fear. And for many moms, our inner demons make this time especially challenging.
As a mom of two young children, I quit drinking after I realized I had a toxic relationship with alcohol.
I was never satisfied with one drink, and soon I could easily drink a bottle of wine a night without much fanfare.
I wasn't an alcoholic, I was certain, because I didn't drink every day.
"I just have a high tolerance," I would tell myself. And after all, I'm a busy mom who is mentally drained — I deserve this.
But eventually it got to the point where my morning headaches made parenting dreadful, almost impossible.
I turned more and more to the TV to entertain my kids so I could sleep off the hangover. And I finally came to terms with the realization that parenting was not an invitation to over-consume. The popular "mommy needs wine" dialogue us moms all laughed at and re-shared on social media is mostly just justification to over-indulge. And it was dangerous.
Even after being sober two years, I'm a week into self-isolating with my family and the new message across social media is hard to ignore: "Mommy needs alcohol to survive COVID-19." The message is everywhere: "Stock up on your wine! Wine delivery for the win. Is it too early to drink?" There's even been the creation of the "quarantini" — a martini that you drink alone in your home.
A few years ago, I would have laughed right along with everyone.
And when I was new to sobriety, I probably would have caved to my inner demons and started drinking again. Because everything I need to stay sober? My community, my work, and my routine? It's all disappeared in a day or two.
This is a scary time to be a mom.
This is a scary time, period. But for moms like me who have toxic relationships with alcohol, we are really struggling. Staying sober through COVID-19 isn't just hard, it's d–n near impossible, especially when so many are touting alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Whether you think the message of "mommy needing wine to survive a pandemic" is funny or not, for people with a toxic relationship to alcohol — people in recovery, sober, or reevaluating their relationship with alcohol — we are struggling.
The irony is that to truly survive the spread of a contagious virus, such as the coronavirus, we need to be healthy and strong.
Alcohol lowers our immunity and makes us more susceptible to getting sick. It's also hard, irresponsible, and even dangerous to parent while drinking excessively.
Our kids are watching us closely.
They are looking to us for cues on living in a time of confusion and fear. They seek solace when their entire school, sports and schedule has been turned upside down overnight. They crave stability now more than ever.
I am grateful I am no longer turning to the bottle to self-medicate, but I know so many women who struggle every day.
Please consider your friends and family who are fighting hard to stay sober during a very scary, vulnerable time before joking about surviving on wine and alcohol as you self-isolate at home. And check on your friends and family. Some of us are truly struggling.
This essay was written by Celeste Yvonne. You can follow her journey on her Facebook page, Instagram, or on her website, The Ultimate Mom Challenge.
