Naming your child is a pretty big deal to most parents. It usually involves endless hours of scrolling through baby name apps and bouncing ideas off of each other to finally land on one that feels just right. But what if you went through all that trouble, only to have someone else rename your child down the road? Well, an anonymous woman on Reddit seems to have sparked quite the debate over this very predicament. In a recent post, she admitted that she's thinking of changing the name of her nephew, after he and two of his siblings were placed in her custody.
Hearing that a woman is looking to change the name of her sister's kid might be pretty jaw-dropping at first.
But before you make up your mind on this one, it's important to hear the backstory on how exactly things got to this point.
In her Reddit post, the woman explains that her younger sister and her husband lost custody of their now 5-, 3-, and 2-year-old a year ago this July, as they've struggled with addiction. The entire ordeal has clearly been a trying one for everyone, but the poster and her husband have been prepping themselves for the last six months to take the children into their home, which already has three kids of their own.
The couple has purchased a 12-passenger van, are moving into a 5-bedroom home, and are making several other lifestyle changes to hopefully provide an environment that all of the kids can feel happier in.
Although the intention was always to have her sister's kids return to her care once she got her life straightened out, it's not looking good.
"Husband and I do not think my sister will get her life together anytime soon, she and her husband have had a year to work through their parenting plan and all they've done in that year was 1 parenting class, no therapy, no UAs, nothing required by the state for them to regain custody," the woman shared on Reddit. "It seems she is more in love with her addictions than her children."
That is why they recently spoke with a lawyer, in case things with her sister don't improve.
"The children's guardian ad-litem (attorney for the children's interest) has informed husband and I that after having the children in our custody for 6 months we could adopt them if my sister and her husband have not met their parenting plan goals," she explained. "We have talked it over and have both decided that adopting them would be the best path forward for us, we want to give these kids the best lives that we can."
One of the rights the couple will have will be to change the kids' names once they are adopted. Although they aren't considering that for two of the kids, they are considering it for one.
That's because, according to the Reddit poster, their 3-year-old nephew's name is ... Chaos.
That's right — Chaos.
Although some might say it's a "creative" and "unconventional" name, the vast majority might agree that the name "Chaos" doesn't exactly conjure up happy, positive feelings. Considering the home life these kids have had, it seems particularly off.
The couple also has other reasons for believing the name Chaos needs to go.
According to the Reddit poster, he has some pretty severe behavioral issues, and they think that the name Chaos (while perhaps apropos), would stigmatize him.
"We already know that his life is going to be pretty tough with his delays and other issues and we feel that changing his name to Chase could be beneficial to his future," she explained. "It's pretty close to his name already and this is the name that my sister gave my grandma because she knew my grandma wouldn't like his real name."
The couple has apparently put the question to friends and family, who gave them "mixed reviews" on whether they should change it.
So, they turned to Reddit — where people did NOT hold back with their opinions.
Some people admitted that initially, they were fully prepared to disagree with the poster.
That is, until they heard the backstory. (And the name.)
"It sounds like you really want to give this kid the best future possible," one person commented after being prepared to disagree. "A name like Chaos will haunt him for the rest of his life."
"Yeah same," added someone else. "I was getting my pitchfork ready to shout about he's going through enough change and to [lose] his name as well because you dislike it is cruel … but Chaos? Yeah, no, that name will severely hinder him so changing it is fair enough although I agree like you said a conversation with the kid about it first to see how he feels about it, is the way to go."
Others pointed out that although changing his name might not be a bad idea, the aunt should be careful how she goes about it.
Some suggested transitioning into the new name slowly.
"Could you start calling him chase as a nick name so he (and his siblings) can get used to it before you change his name officially?" one person asked.
Others suggested whether she re-consider what she changes it to, so she doesn't stray too far from his current name.
"Could you maybe try for something that sounds similar but shortened like Kai (pronounced kay) so it's not a massive change in sound?" one person said. "That could help him to still respond whereas say John is a huge change and may take a while to adjust to?"
Some also suggested that the aunt begin by having conversations with her nephew.
"This child is going through a period of serious upheaval and stress in his life," one person said. "It’s worth having a conversation with him about this before unilaterally changing his name."
To that, the poster argued that in addition to his age, the boy isn't verbal — which means that having a conversation about his name likely won't get very far.
"Unfortunately he is non-verbal," she commented. "He displays a lot of autistic characteristics but has never tested positive for it. He is starting to babble but is not trying to talk."
Some people noted that it's worth trying just in case.
"Hey so being nonverbal does not normally mean he would not be able to communicate at all," one person said. "Please please please when you get custody of him make sure you are looking into ways to communicate and learn what he is actually thinking; you said he's in a lot of different types of therapies so I'm sure they have him with a speech and language therapist and learning to use alternative speech devices … If not, that is something that is absolutely essential. It is really important not to just make decisions for him or speak for him if he is capable of communicating himself (even if nonverbal)."
In the end, the woman updated her post to thank the many people who weighed in.
"Wow guys, thank you all so so much," she wrote. "I went to bed with like 30 replies and woke up to more than I ever thought I would get. I will update y'all at some point in time, but we can't even begin the adoption process for at least 6 months after we finally get custody of them but we probably will start easing him into 'Chase' as soon as we pick him up. I'll keep you guys posted eventually."
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