One woman feels like her life is completely upside down after she found out that her husband was cheating on her while she was giving birth to their third baby. Infidelity is infuriating no matter what the cause, but the stress this mom was already dealing with is compounded because their baby came prematurely. Now, she's turned to the r/breakingmom forum looking for a little advice with how to deal with this heartbreaking situation.
The mom of three admitted that her partner has been distant with her "for years."
But things have been particularly rough with her third pregnancy.
"Every time I was admitted to the hospital during this pregnancy, he wouldn't come," she wrote in her post. "I drove myself to the ER and drove myself home. I took myself to my doctor appointments."
At 34 weeks, the mom was admitted at the hospital for high blood pressure.
No matter how much she begged, however, her husband refused to cancel a trip he had planned to stay with her.
"Wednesday I was admitted — I told him, nothing," she recalled. "I called him Thursday saying he needed to come home, they're going to have to deliver the baby, I'm really sick … he was golfing."
Eventually he agreed that he would leave that evening to be with her.
But he never made it until early the next day. He claimed that he fell asleep for five hours at a gas station on the way home "but should have made it to the hospital by 1 a.m. that night. Friday still no husband," she added.
"He got there maybe two hours before the baby was born at 1:38 p.m. and left after," she wrote.
That meant the mom was alone when their son was taken to the neonatal intensive care unit.
She saw her husband maybe twice the entire time she was recovering in the hospital.
"He's never been a very supportive partner so while I was hurt I didn't think more of it, I was in too much shock at all that had transpired," she explained.
Two days later, the mom was in the NICU and couldn't even get ahold of her husband.
And he wasn't just letting her down — he was letting down their kids, too. On Sunday morning she checked their baby monitor at home and saw that their 18-month-old was alone and crying for hours — with no dad in sight.
"He slept in and left her for three hours in her crib waiting," she explained. "I had to call the neighbors to go wake him up."
What's more, his timeline of events for the night before didn't add up. He said he left the hospital about 12:30 a.m. but for some reason didn't go home until 3. Where the heck was he?
"So I asked to be released home early from the hospital so I could care for my kids at home," the mom wrote.
Things didn't get any better once the mom returned home.
She still had to make visits to the NICU to visit their newborn, but as soon as she came home from the hospital on that first day back, her husband left their house to go for a NICU visit (or so he said) and didn't come home until early in the morning.
"He claimed he slept a bit in his car at the hospital and went to get food," she recalled. "Each night was like that, coming home at 3, 4 am. Not responding to texts. Not home during the day. Showering and shaving and working out before the NICU. I just didn't want to believe something was up."
A few days later, the mom's curiosity got the best of her.
He left his phone open — and he was still asleep.
"I don't know what made me do it, I've never looked at his phone before, but I looked and it was all right there," she wrote.
It was texts between her husband and another woman.
Even more devastating, they told each other "I love you" and he called her "baby."
"Him complaining about me asking him to pick up my antibiotics for my kidney infection or how I had him doing errands, he misses her, can't wait to see her," she recounted.
Right away the mom woke up her husband and asked if he was with this woman on a night he claimed he went to visit their newborn at the hospital — and he said yes.
"I asked him if he was going to keep seeing her or not and he wouldn't answer me," she wrote.
Then her husband hit her with his truth -- he was miserable in their marriage and had been for a long time.
Of course, he blamed her for their problems. The mom didn't show him enough love, didn't have sex with him enough, and doesn't take responsibility for her actions or apologize.
"I've taken him to couples counseling because I was miserable, how did he never mention how unhappy he was all those times?" she wondered. "I wanted a partner. I wanted someone to be collaborative and kind, and I got shut down for years. But I was okay to tough it out because the idea of breaking up my family was too painful to even consider."
She asked her husband to leave.
He agreed to do that. Now she assumes he's staying with his mistress — a woman who knew all too well that her husband had a pregnant wife at home.
"I've met her," the mom explained. "What kind of person cheats while their pregnant wife is sick and in labor, or uses the NICU as their cover story for spending the night with someone, and what kind of woman is okay with that?"
"She has four young kids. She lives less than two miles from me," she continued.
She knows that her husband wasn't good to her, but it still hurts.
She has yet to break the news to their 8-year-old.
"I just can't even fathom all of the unknowns," she wrote. "My little man is coming home today from the NICU. He just hit 5 lbs. He's a preemie."
When the time comes for the mom to pick up her son, her husband wants to meet her at the hospital and help put the baby in the car, "but I'm afraid if I'm not amicable he will fight me for the kids."
"I'm meeting with a divorce attorney on Tuesday," she added. "He wants to do a therapy session but I don't think I can sit there and listen to him tell me again how it's my fault — he's leaving and it's too fresh."
She continued that she feels "full of panic and anxiety and I feel like death."
"My birthday is Wednesday," she continued. "I have no family in the state I live in. I don't know who I am anymore."
Other people were furious on the mom's behalf.
"Man guy sounds like a complete [expletive]," one commenter wrote. "None of this is your fault please don't let him make you feel it is. What kind of man cheats on someone in labor and then makes it feel like it's their fault? An ultimate scumbag."
"Don't let him come to the hospital — he lost that right when he didn't come to the hospital multiple times, blamed you for his actions and then walked out rather than fight for you and your family," someone else agreed. "I'd organize with the hospital to discharge at a different time and then oops — you didn't have time to let him know. You deserve to have this milestone — please take it."
A third person had this to say: "This is horrible and he’s a garbage person. You'll be okay and in the end, your life and your children's life will be so much better without him. I know it's a lot to think about, but get a lawyer. Take him to the cleaners and get every penny you and your babies deserve."
For now, things are going to be hard for the mom.
"I work from home (telecommute) and haven't ever been able to really get out and make friends since we moved here 3 years ago," she wrote later in the thread. "I've got some friends but not a true tribe locally. I've hired a doula for night help and have my nanny during the day … but I wish I had family."
But she's trying to keep it together. Responding to another commenter who shared that her husband cheated on her too, she wrote "Infidelity, being left, wasn't on my radar whatsoever," she shared. "I'm so sorry you're going through this, so many hugs to you. You can do it. We both can, even if it doesn't feel possible."
