When you love someone, it is easy to say you'd do anything for them. But sometimes, when push comes to shove, some of the biggest "asks" are hard to comply with. No matter how much you want to help, the act of helping could be at a detriment to you and your well-being, and sometimes lines must be drawn in the sand.
One man is facing a huge decision after his infertile twin brother asked him to donate his sperm so he and his partner could have a "biologically close" child.
"To begin, my brother is my best friend," the man acknowledged, emphasizing how hard he has struggled with this decision.
"When we were younger he got sick and ended up having many health side effects, one being infertility," he wrote.
"As teens we didn't really think much of it. We're now in our early thirties. I'm married and me and my wife don't want kids. We're both very busy and I travel for work and she doesn't want them so we agreed we wouldn't have kids. My brother and his girlfriend of a year have been getting serious and she knows about his infertility."
Naturally, the couple is talking out their options, and his girlfriend suggested the infertile brother ask his twin for a sperm donation.
The logic is that this way the children would be biologically related to the brother, and the donor could just remain a "fun" uncle. On paper, it makes sense to him.
"Here's the thing though… I don't want to," the brother confessed. "I know they'd still be his biologically but they would also be 'mine.' And this isn't a one time occurrence they want. She wants more than one kid. So I would be the one that 'fathered' them."
Choosing to be childless himself, he felt, well, weird about being in that family dynamic.
"I know technically if my brother COULD have kids it would still be the same relation considering we have the same DNA," he wrote, but something just isn't sitting right with him about it.
The kicker is people in his life are totally divided over what the right thing for him to do would be.
"Some people are telling me to just do it, they would still be my brothers bio kids and I'm being an [expletive] for denying him this opportunity knowing it won't affect me," he wrote. "Others are saying that it's my body and my choice and I shouldn't be guilted and looked down on by my family if I say no."
So now he wants to know, is he wrong for not wanting to donate?
Unfortunately for him, the people of Reddit were also torn over if he should go through with it.
"It is your body and your choice but I also think you should seriously consider it and maybe have a therapy session with them or something," suggested one reader.
People were quick to remind him that in terms of responsibility, he's pretty much off the hook.
"They can ask. You can say no." acknowledged another reader. "But if your reasoning is only that you'll technically be the father … you know you aren't on the hook for anything, right? They would be your brothers kids, not yours. You'd be the uncle. That’s it."
Other twins weighed in to offer even more empathy and context given the situation.
"I'm an identical twin (F) and I think I could donate an egg for my twin but not my other sister," one user wrote. "I think my younger sister I would look at the child and see MY features and mannerisms. But looking at my twins child I would see 'ours.' The relationship between twins is so different to a sibling relationship."
Unfortunately for this brother, his post might not have made his choice any easier, but hopefully, he'll be comfortable with whatever decision he makes.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
