Spilling information that is not yours to disclose is a common faux pas among friends and relatives. But the stakes were higher than ever for one Redditor when she outed her brother to their group of friends. The original poster of a heartbreaking and drama-filled story shared on the Am I the A–hole subreddit seems to believe she was forced to share her loved one's sexuality to protect her own reputation.
The OP began by explaining that her brother, Tim, is actually her cousin. He was adopted by their parents when they were little kids.
"He and I are 4 months apart in age and we grew up very close," noted the OP, who identified herself as female further down the thread. "We were best friends. He’s gay and felt comfortable coming out to me when we were 12-ish, our parents a little while later and then to everyone on his 16th birthday."
This year, Tim's biological father, Ray, got in touch, and the two met for lunch after 25+ years of no contact.
"When I asked Tim how it went, he didn't want to talk about it," the OP shared. "So I let it go, figuring he would open up when he was ready. Within a week, I started hearing from family that Tim had told Ray that Tim and I had been having an [illicit] affair for years. After asking Tim about it, he said Ray asked him if he was gay and he panicked — that's the lie he blurted out to try to hide being gay for some reason."
The OP's parents have a close circle of friends, which apparently includes Ray.
And some of OP and Tim's friends are the children of their parents' friends. The OP explained, "The lie made it to our friends. They were horrified and angry and wanted to know if it was true. I explained to them what happened with Ray and why Tim said that. They got it and felt bad, and apologized for coming at me so aggressively."
But when Tim found out that the OP had told them the truth, he called her the "most selfish, evil person" for telling them his "private story." "Our parents said they understood why I did it but said I shouldn't have," the OP wrote. "I'm still upset he said the lie in the first place."
She turned it over to the community, asking if she's the a–hole here.
Most people supported the OP, feeling as though Tim threw her under the bus.
"What the h-ll else did they expect you to say?" one wrote. "You should be angry at Tim for telling a lie about you. It wasn't his place or right to do that. It sounds like he has some issues and needs to work through them. None of this has anything to do with you and he should have left you out of it."
Another noted, "This story stopped being Tim's when he involved OP in it. I get his panic (though don't excuse it)."
A third said, "I get that Tim's scared to come out to his potentially homophobic dad, but I can think of at least five other cover stories right off the cuff. … It's arguably his fault for choosing the stupidest and most defamatory cover story that he could think of."
The OP later explained just how angry she is at her brother.
"Not just for the lie but for the fact that he's still refusing to set the record straight," she wrote. "We have a ridiculously huge family, lots of extended family members and other 'family friends' who are like family. So many people, and I'm not sure if they all know the truth. This lie spread like nothing I've ever seen before."
She also noted, "As angry as I am about this lie, I can't help but feel sorry for him. He's always been very self-hating. When he first came out to me when were kids, he would say things like he wishes he weren't gay and he's mad he was born that way. He'd tell me he was jealous of me because I'm 'normal.' I wouldn't wish self-hatred on anyone. At the same time, that lie is not OK."
If one thing's clear, there's a great deal of pain that must be healed in order for all parties involved to move forward in a healthy way. Here's hoping that Tim gets the support he needs, and the siblings are able to make amends.
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