Facing the fact that our children are not perfect is a hard pill to swallow. We know they are capable of making mistakes, but when they make big ones, ones you taught them to avoid, you can't help but be disappointed. For most parents, though, almost no mistake could cloud our love for our children. Almost.
One father is having a hard time dealing with the fact that his daughter was unfaithful to her "good" husband and has taken it upon himself to "teach her a lesson."
The father explained that she moved back home recently after her husband discovered she had an affair with her coworker.
"Her husband is a good man, and I will be sorry to see him leaving our family," the dad wrote. "He did not deserve this. She admits as much, but I wanted him to know how sorry I was that things ended this way."
He went on to explain that he has been particularly cold to his daughter for her failings.
"I have been very hard on my daughter since she moved in," he admitted. "As much as she claims to recognize her mistakes, I don't believe her. She is in shock right now because she got caught and lost both men, but she hasn't learned her lesson."
So to help her learn her lesson, he concocted a plan.
"When I called her husband to apologize, I told her she was going to listen to the conversation because she needed to see the damage she had caused by her selfishness," he explained.
"I also wanted her to know how disgusted I was with her and how deeply ashamed I am of her and of her being my daughter. I told her husband that if given the choice I would rather keep someone like him in our family than my own daughter because of her behavior."
According to the father, shaming her really helped.
"All of this had the effect I intended, but her mother thin[k]s I was unnecessarily harsh with her and may do damage to our relationship," he said.
"I told her mother that right now I was considering disowning her unless she showed some remorse and change quickly. She needs tough love right now in my view and consequences. I don't think trying to accomplish either of those things makes me an [expletive], but does it?"
Truly, people were utterly divided on how this dad handled the situation.
"I get that what she did is wrong but I worry that you might have taken it a bit far," wrote one reader. "Did you have problems with your daughter before this all happened? Surprising to see someone turn on a dime like this if not. She is a grown up and is entitled to her own choices, I think that burning a bridge with your child is a bit out of control, even though the things you said may already have lit that fire."
Later in the comments the father clarified that his daughter had a history of toxic behavior, and he claimed that she has lied, cheated, and disrupted the family for years.
Others thought that dad was totally justified in his actions and in his words because of his daughter's behavior.
"Imagine sympathizing with the person who just emotionally shattered another human being out of pure selfishness," another reader wrote. "She doesn't deserve to be coddled, she doesn't deserve sympathy for being 'devastated.' She broke someone's heart in a way that never fully heals just because she's a bad person.
The person continued, "If her father doesn't want a relationship with someone who would willingly devastate another good person, more power to him. Parents aren't obligated to just be along for the ride when their kids [expletive] up. At some point they can say 'you're a toxic person, and until you shape up I don't want anything to do with you.'"
Others thought that this specific incident wasn't a reason to cut off a family member, especially a child.
"I say this as someone whose ex broke my heart by cheating on me," advised one user. "Cheaters are allowed to be loved by their parents. It's not your place to teach her a lesson; she is an adult. Your sense of disgrace is disproportional (cheaters disgrace themselves, not their entire immediate family). If this situation causes you this much distress, it might help to seek counselling. It would be really, really ridiculous to disown your kid for the rest of your life because she cheated on her husband."
Ultimately, the dad needs to make a decision on how he wants to proceed with her going forward.
"I will always love my daughter, but I do not like the person she is and what she represents and I do not know if I want her to be associated with our family unless she changes," he honestly responded to commenters.
Even though there are multiple sides to every story, it's clear this dad needs to get to the root of why he is feeling this particular way about this situation with his daughter.
