When a spouse dies, it's not only hard to go on without that person, it makes life complicated. It can be tricky to navigate the relationships you have with her parents after she's gone. For one man, his relationship with his ex-mother-in-law is not great to say the least. So much so that he was practically fuming when he found out she'd been telling his daughter to call her mom — and made her swear not to tell him.
Things have been rocky ever since his wife died during childbirth nine years ago.
He was devastated when his wife died, he explained in r/JUSTNOMIL, as was his MIL "Gill." His wife was an only child, he noted, so his MIL immediately started looking at his daughter as her replacement.
"I was never comfortable with this, but understand people grieve in their own ways so I never said anything," he wrote.
Sure, his MIL did do a few odd things with his daughter when she was younger.
Like introduce her as "my baby" or say "meet my daughter" when meeting someone new. She even set up a nursery in her home for "when my daughter went to live with her" and "She even tried to convince the nurses at the hospital to let DD go home with her after she was discharged," he added.
"It took almost two hours to prove that she was actually my daughter and would be going home with me."
For the first two years of his daughter's life, the dad focused on her and only her.
There was no dating until both of them were ready and stable, he explained. When his daughter was 3 he met a new woman, whom he married, and "who loves DD like she is her own."
"When Dear Daughter was 6 we sat her down and explained that her biological mom was in heaven and DW was her step-mom," he wrote.
But surprise, surprise, his MIL doesn't like his new wife and "hates the fact that DD has a mother figure in her life."
Now his new wife is pregnant with their first baby together and his MIL is starting to make trouble again.
The hope is that the family will eventually move out of state, but his MIL "has done almost everything possible to stop it from happening."
She tried to call CPS on the family, "claiming we're neglecting DD over our unborn son and aren't fit to care for her," he wrote. "Thankfully both the state we currently live in and the state we're moving to don't have grandparents' rights."
She's convinced that they're only moving "to spite her."
But the dad was "tired" of her antics and told her that she needed to butt out.
"Despite not liking Gill very much, I've never kept DD from her," he continued. "She visits Gill often and has sleepovers there."
On a recent drive home from grandma's, his daughter was "unusually quiet."
Like any good parent — he pried.
"She asked me if we were going to abandon her when the baby was born," he shared. "Of course I said no and asked why she thought that. She told me that Gill has been telling DD that we won't care about her and only Gill will love her."
His daughter also let it slip that for the past year his MIL has been making her call her mom, but made her swear not to tell.
"She's also been telling DD that she would be better off living with her and will find a way to 'make it happen,'" he wrote.
"I'm so confused about what her endgame is here because I'm obviously never going to let that happen," he continued. "Is she planning on kidnapping DD? She was going to spend a few nights at Gill's before we left but now I don't want her to."
"What if she doesn't give DD back?" he asked.
This wasn't something he should take lightly, the comment section agreed. This was a huge red flag.
"Gill should never see your child again," one person wrote. "This is giving me 'kidnapping your child' vibes. This is not someone who is beneficial to your child's life, to put it lightly."
"Making children keep secrets is a big red flag and may make them easier to groom," someone else pointed out. "Teach your daughter NO ONE should make her keep secrets from her parents. This is a bad secret and she needs to tell you immediately and she will not get in trouble for it. Good secrets are secrets that make you excited, like gifts or surprise parties and they don't last forever."
"This is textbook parental alienation. She can see you in court if she ever sees you again," a third commenter agreed.
As much as it would be nice for his daughter to have a relationship with her grandmother, she hasn't proven that she can be trusted. Which is probably why later in the thread the dad wrote that he's not going to tell his MIL when they're moving or their new address.
"I'm going to contact the school and doctors we choose to let them know about her too," he added.
"I'm disappointed in myself for taking this long to do something about it," he wrote. "I'm going to contact an attorney to file a cease and desist and any visits will be supervised and in public places. I've started documenting everything and I'm also going to email her detailing everything DD told me and all the concerns I have so that I have a documented reply from her."
"She's never going to be left alone with her again," he wrote.
