As much as we would like for our children to only imitate the best parts of our personalities and characters, that’s not how life works. Our little ones see it all. And they often understand more than we may give them credit for. That is why it’s so important to model healthy habits, not only when you’re speaking to your children but when you’re speaking to or about yourself as well.
One nutritionist mom on Instagram explained how parents passively teach their children some of the most harmful aspects of diet culture in the way they speak about food, exercise, and our bodies on an everyday basis.
Nicky, a nutritionist, says this is how our parents passively taught us how to diet as children.
Nicky created a reel showing how seemingly innocent conversations and questions can leave our children with unhealthy ideas about food. The video is titled "POV: Your mom passively teaching you to diet."
In it, Nicky shows inquires from children and some common but highly problematic responses.
In the first one, she writes something a child may ask: “Mom, are you going to have spaghetti with us?” She responds, “Oh no sweetie. If mommy even looks at carbs, I gain 10 pounds.”
A lot of her examples are things we hear women say all the time.
She uses phrases like "Mommy needs to earn her dessert." In another scene, she’s seen measuring yogurt. The child asks what she’s doing. Nicky responds, “Oh mommy’s getting bikini ready for our vacation.”
Then we see Nicky tying her shoes while in workout gear. The child’s question reads: “Where are you going mom?” Nicky responds, “Oh I’m just going for a run. Mommy needs to earn her dessert tonight."
Nicky says these conversations leave an impression on our subconscious.
In the last scenario, Nicky says, ‘It’s after 7. I’ll just stick to water,” when the child asks her if she wants some apple slices.
In the caption for the video, she writes, “Have you ever wondered where your food rules and the idea that you had to diet came from? The things you heard as a child imprinted on your subconscious brain and influence how you feel and act around food today.”
Although Nicky’s message seemed clearcut, there were those who didn’t take issue with the exchanges she outlined in the video.
Some people don't see a problem with the behaviors Nicky outlined.
“Honestly there's zero wrong with teaching your child about making food and activity choices that encourage a healthy body,” one user wrote on Facebook. “None of these things are unhealthy habits. Also … kids don't listen half as much as you people think they do.”
Thankfully, there were also those who know exactly what Nicky was saying because they had learned from experience.
Others received similar messaging as children and suffered the consequences.
“It’s so extremely concerning that people are trying to normalize this behavior. The actions of being mindful about what you eat, measuring your portions and exercise are all good things," one user wrote. "However, the way she’s verbalizing it is extremely damaging habits that she’s passing down. Never teach your children that they have to ‘earn’ their food with exercise. Or that carbs are bad and cause weight gain.
"These are habits you’ll pass on to your kids causing issues where they’ll eat dessert in private or in hiding. Or over work themselves or exercise to exhaustion in order to earn that ‘cheesecake’ or skip meals intentionally on days they don’t exercise," the person continued. "Trust me. Coming from someone who learned these habits first hand from her parents. Coming from someone who fainted twice at school because I wasn’t eating and believed I was overweight. Don’t pass these on!”
