
When we find out we're expecting a baby, it seems that almost automatically, we start to plan out what the little one will look like or will be and the changes that parenthood (or parenting another child) will bring to our lives. We obviously understand that the plans we make before we meet the baby are just fantasy and reality may end up different, but it helps us bond before birth.
Some people are stuck on daydreaming about the sex of their baby. Some genuinely don’t care which way that lands, whereas others are wholly disappointed when their hope doesn't match the reality. That's a situation that one family has found themselves in, and mom isn't sure how to feel about it.
Posting to Reddit's AITA forum, a mom sought advice from the community on her disappointed husband.
A 25-year-old pregnant mom to one (OP), shared an issue she and her husband are having regarding their baby-to-be. "My husband M30 (30 year old man) been together for three years, we have a two year old baby boy, I'm 20 weeks pregnant," she wrote.
Mom had a doctor's appointment recently and found out their baby's sex.
"Last week we went to my doctor to get an ultrasound and reveal the baby gender," OP said.
It turns out, they're having a girl in four months, and she will join her older brother. Many parents would be excited to know that they'll have one girl and one boy. In this case, that held true for mom.
"I was so excited," OP said upon finding out she was carrying a girl. "Though my husband acted cold and went silent til we got to the car.
"He seemed so so upset, his face was red, almost like he was going to cry,' OP recalled.
"I asked what was wrong but at first he denied it had anything to do with the baby gender, then he just couldn't hold it."
Well, it seems the dad was upset.
"He broke down and said that he was upset it was a girl and not a boy," OP explained in the Reddit post. Dad said that the ultrasound "clearly got it wrong," and when she corrected him and said "it was indeed a girl," her husband got even more upset.
OP explained that her husband told her that he wanted the baby to be a boy and said he was "disappointed it was a girl."
"He said that he doesn't think he'll be able to handle it, I was stunned," OP wrote. "I just [stared] at him confused, did he say he was disappointed, does that mean that when his daughter is born will be treated as a disappointment, and be reminded when she grow up," she worried.
The conversation didn't end there — the dad was also upset with his wife now, too.
"He lashed out at me, asking me to be a little understanding, because he likes boys more and would prefer a son over a daughter," she continued, "and blamed me for this."
He yelled at her and blamed her for having a girl instead of a boy. Ouch.
"I yelled at how unreasonable he sounded, how could I ever be responsible for baby gender I wouldn't know, I shamed him for what he said and told him since this is how he thinks then he didn't deserve to be a dad," OP said.
It sounds like their argument escalated from there, and the two continued to argue at home.
"We don't talk anymore, he keeps asking for an apology that i will not give because I owe him nothing," OP wrote. "He owes me an apology."
OP asked Reddit if she owes her husband an apology for being upset with how he reacted or if he's the one in the wrong.
"NTA He's the one responsible for it being a girl, so he can only blame himself," one Reddit user replied.
A second person [agreed] the mom was in the clear. "Some men love blaming women for anything they don’t like about a developing fetus, and that is bulls–t. He is a male chauvinist. If he doesn’t like girls, or surprises, he never should have decided to be a parent in the first place. He owes you a huge apology, and you guys should look into family therapy ASAP if you want to continue to be, you know, a family."
"NTA," another person answered. "There's having a preference, then there's just being a misogynist. [His] comments and behavior were way out of line, and also biologically incorrect. He needs to address this before the baby arrives, and she ends up being unfavored because of her gender."
"NTA he went into having another child KNOWING he would be upset in the 50% chance it could be a girl," a surprised Redditer wrote. "Is mad at you because you didn’t magically produce a boy (even though it is the sperm that determines gender). And now he wants an apology? Once things calm down a very serious discussion needs to happen if he can’t commit to loving a daughter equally or treating her the same I’d be very concerned about your future relationship."
Hopefully, these two can work it out.
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