As a working mom, I have to switch gears quickly and often. The moment I step into the office, my brain hardens, focused on meetings, agendas, performance indicators, emails, and reports. The moment I step inside my home, my brain softens, focused on diapers, meals, cleanups, playtime, and hugs and kisses.
Both roles require me to stretch my limits, multi-task, communicate, and listen. I’ve been doing this for almost five years and it hasn’t gotten any easier, especially since I had my second. Just when things were starting to calm down, I got pregnant and it started all over again.
On one day, I had a particularly frustrating time at work.
I was jumping around from meeting to meeting, trying to catch up on emails while responding to questions and messages from my team. The day was busy but I didn’t feel productive. I didn’t check off a single task on the to-do list I created that morning. I felt defeated. I had been running around in circles, starting things, adding things to the list, and doing small bits of writing here and there but never completing anything.
I came home absolutely drained. My kids came up to hug me and as I was running my fingers through the hair on their sweaty little heads, I could see a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, toys scattered all over the floor, and various socks hanging on the stairs for their dear lives. I wanted to get angry and start the nagging process.
But I sat down with my kids and started to play with them.
The longer I was on the floor, the more frustrated I felt. I should be enjoying this time with my kids. They were being super cute but I was just sitting here, feeling helplessly restless.
So I took a huge breath, walked over to the sink, and put my gloves on. The kids were busy playing; I could hear their chitter-chatter and giggles. With each dish I washed, I felt more productive.
I was about to tackle the greasy pan when my daughter came up and asked me to play with her.
I turned around and I looked her in the eyes and said, “Not right now because I need to clean the dishes but I will come after I am done.” She looked down for a second, shrugged, and ran along.
I felt a bit of guilt since I hadn’t seen her all day and the first moment she asked me to play, I refused. But then I kept washing the dishes.
The citrusy smell of the dish soap combined with the warmth of the steam on my arms was actually kind of soothing. The repetitive motions of rubbing the sponge on the surface of the greasy pan helped me decompress. The mindful activity enabled me to wind down.
After I was finished, I looked at the pile of clean dishes neatly placed on the drying rack. I told myself that I completed something today.
I felt a sense of accomplishment. I took off my gloves and I headed over to the living room. I sat down and started playing with my kids. This time, I was fully engaged and actively participating in their shenanigans, chasing them around, picking them up, and singing horribly.
From that day forward, I made a little pact with myself. Sure, my kids bring me joy, but I can’t depend on them to make me happy. I have to do that for myself.
If I’ve had a tough day at work, it doesn’t mean I can completely shut that part of my day when I come home. Whether it’s feeling unproductive, overwhelmed, or depleted, I need a moment to transition, appreciating what it feels like without my mom or work hat on.
