When his wife went on a trip, former NFL player Cedric Thompson Jr. began to understand the mental load that many women in heterosexual relationships tend to carry. While the former NFL player said that he learned a lot from his “eight days of solo parenting,” some people who watched the video want to know why it took him so long to understand all the work his wife has been doing.
“The endless planning, remembering, and organizing is exhausting in ways I never understood before,” he captioned the video. “The most profound lessons come when we walk in someone else’s shoes, even if just for a little while.”
The dad thought he was prepared.
At the beginning of his video, Thompson admitted that he had “no idea” managing the household would be “this tough.” While he knew that taking care of his kids would be challenging, he did not previously consider the mental load.
“I was prepared for the cleaning, lodging back and forth, the unexpected sickness, the feeding, the sleeping, but one thing I was not prepared for was the mental load,” Thompson said. “I had no idea it felt like this, to think about things that need to be done, that haven’t been done, or things that I need to plan to do. It’s so draining that I don’t even have the energy to take care of myself at all.”
He said experiencing this made him more empathetic.
After caring for his children for eight days, the dad said he now has more empathy for his wife. Now, if his wife complains about the stress of the “mental load,” he will understand what she’s talking about, he said. His “solo parenting” experience has also made him think about how he can change his behavior to help reduce the mental load for his wife. “It’s making me ask myself, ‘What more can I be doing?’ ‘What has been going on that I haven’t been seeing?'” Thompson explained.
“Now, I know I can’t always take the mental load away, but I can definitely make it lighter,” he concluded.
Many people wondered why it took the dad so long to notice.
While the dad seemed to learn something about the mental load while his wife was traveling, many women thought he learned the lesson too late.
One person who reacted to Thompson’s video said it served as an example of “why some women refer to themselves as ‘married single moms.'” The person added that it’s “truly sad.”
Multiple people questioned where he’s been, given that he and his wife have both been parents for some time. “Where have you been the whole time? Why are you just understanding this ?” one person commented.
A second critic wrote, “How do men not understand their wife’s workload and bandwidth while literally sleeping next to her and living in the same house?” The commenter added that “men have to do better.”
At the same time, some people were glad that the dad learned something.
Better late than never, some commenters seemed to suggest. “Many dudes never realize this and think they are doing their wives a favor by ‘helping out’ with their own kids,” one person wrote, giving Thompson credit for realizing that “he was probably checked out” before.
“If only all dads had this perspective,” another person commented on the post.
Another person who defended the dad said “you don’t know until you know, and now he knows. I appreciate him expressing it and wanting to take some of the load off of his sweet wife, because in all honesty, even SHE doesn’t fully know what she’s carrying every day.”
Unfortunately, these disparities are present in many heterosexual relationships.
Of course, Thompson is definitely not the only man who has failed to notice all of the things his wife manages and keeps track of. Research has confirmed this. A study published in December 2024, found that women carry 71% of the mental load, or the “domestic cognitive labor.” The study defined “domestic cognitive labor” as “the thinking work needed to keep life functioning.”
Carrying the bulk of the mental load can, unsurprisingly, have a negative impact on women’s well-being and relationship satisfaction, per Psychology Today.
