Potty training might be hard, but getting your kids to stay out of the potty while Mom is in there is even harder. That is unless you’re one Redditor, who swore that all it really took was setting some firm boundaries with her kids to get them to keep away while she’s doing her business. She recently shared this piece of potty wisdom with a friend, but instead of being impressed, the fellow mom told her she was just being plain “mean.”
We all have “grand ideas” about what we’re going to be like as parents — but only one of the Original Poster’s big ideas stuck.
Come heck or highwater, she was going to keep her moments of peace.
“When my kids became toddler age and could understand, I told them unless they’re bleeding or the house is on fire, don’t bother me in the bathroom,” she explained in a post on Reddit's Am I the A–hole forum. “Anything else can wait.”
Sure, it took a few times to make it clear that mom’s bathroom time was her own.
Eventually, however, OP's kids got the picture. Now her kids are 8, 5, and 3, and not only do they not bother her in the bathroom but she also doesn’t bother them. They are all independent pottiers. Recently, she was talking to a friend who also has a 3-year-old.
“We were talking about the kids and she told me ‘yeah, I haven’t peed alone since (child) learned to walk,’” she recalled.
The OP told her friend that she needed to “nip” that bad little habit in the bud — ASAP.
“She asked me to explain, so I told her [the] above,” she wrote. “She said that’s mean and I said no, it’s setting a boundary. My 8-year-old would hate it if I walked in on her.”
Her friend felt that they should “ always be accessible to our kids.”
But the OP felt like if there was really an emergency, her kids would tell her.
“She kept arguing and finally I said, ‘It’s not my fault I have boundaries with my kids. You don’t. That’s cool,’” she recalled. “Well, this offended my friend. She says I’m a mean mom. Am I being an a–?”
Some people agreed — parents should be able to pee in peace.
"[Not the A–hole]. And no your not being an a–, she said you were a mean mom for setting clear boundaries for your kids, that's not damaging them in any way. Kids need boundaries and so do moms," wrote one person.
Someone else agreed. "That friend is the kind of mother that's creating anxiety issues with her kids because she doesn't teach them to be self sufficient and unafraid when they don't see mom for a few minutes. She thinks she is being nice but in reality she's doing the opposite. Like parents that think their children can't fall asleep on their own."
A third commenter put it this way: "Kids and parents need boundaries established from early on."
There were others, however, who thought the OP should’ve kept her opinions to herself.
"[You're the A–hole]. This isn't about whether you set the boundaries or not. It's about how you passive-aggressively insulted her to her face when she didn't immediately agree with you," one commenter explained. "I don't know what kind of tone she had leading up to this, but it definitely seems like you just wanted to 'win the argument' no matter the cost, which is what makes you the a–hole."
"Coming here for validation after saying a really hurtful and passive-aggressive comment is a poor substitute for making things right with your friend," someone else agreed. "You should know how hard it is to navigate parenting. Yes, some folks have poor boundaries and some folks do that better. However, there are ways to share that are direct and not so … a–holish. Telling a parent that they have no boundaries for their kids is telling them that you think they would let their kids be unsafe. It's not cool."
"[You're the A–hole] because of how you implied that she has failed to teach her child ANY boundaries," chimed in a third commenter. "Using the toilet in front of your babies and toddlers really is completely normal and it’s fine if that’s something you’ve decided is an important boundary but it doesn’t make you a better or worse parent. In the before times we went to public bathrooms all the time (library, play spaces etc. and of course I wouldn’t leave my toddler outside). This isn’t really a highly sensitive controversial topic and hopefully you didn’t put too much attitude on when you said it so I’m sure she won’t care that much that you were kind of an AH about something minor if you’re good friends."
In the end, the OP agreed there is no one right way to parent.
"If it works for your family, all the more power to you," she wrote later in the thread.
Perhaps this was more of a spat between two friends than a battle over bathroom boundaries.
"I would’ve let my friend’s way go had she not called me a mean mom," she added.
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