Being a mother has always been A LOT as an experience, but it is so challenging these days. We're all still figuring out what life after a pandemic looks like, the future for our kids can seem so uncertain thanks to global climate change and the shifting sands of politics, and we've got all the other worries about raising kids in the digital age. There's little reason to wonder why so many of us struggle with feelings of anxiety, stress, and burnout these days.
Even though we'd all probably love to destress on a beach with a cold drink and no children to care for or to take a mental health break at a fancy spa for a week, that's just not realistic for most of us. Instead, we talked to 15 real moms who've committed to taking care of their mental health and got them to share the practices, habits, and life hacks that work to keep them sane.
This isn't a substitute for medical advice or medication (which can be a real, literal lifesaver), but we hope some of these suggestions might seem both totally doable and actually helpful. From the benefits of a regular yoga habit to the peace of mind that can only come from having a partner who pulls their own weight, these moms have figured out how to protect their mental health.
Weekly Hike
"Every week since the early days of the pandemic, I've met with a friend to go for a long hike. It kept me sane during the virtual learning days and now I think it is maybe the best thing I've ever done for my mental health. There is real truth to the idea that nature is healing." — Rebecca W., Seattle
Sunday Night Off
"After an epic fight, I finally got my husband to understand how stressed and overwhelmed I was. One of the things we figured out to help me find some balance is that I get Sunday night off from caregiving or taking care of anyone else. I order take out, I go to the guest room, I read a book and eat by myself and he does all the kid wrangling. It helps me ward off the Sunday scaries and I start the week feeling restored." — Jodie K., Holland, Michigan
Sleep is Love
"Everything is better for me when I'm getting enough sleep. I used to stay up late, just so I could have some alone time, but I've gotten better about going to bed before midnight so I get enough sleep during the week. On the weekends, I sleep in until 10 both days and it is heaven. My husband knows that I'm better and happier when I'm rested." — Kellie R., Alameda, California
Solo Shopping
"It is super simple, but I used to use the time when my kids were in Hebrew school to try to catch up on emails or to run crucial errands. But it just made me feel frazzled and I was always worried about picking them up too late. So I stopped. Now, I take that hour and a half and just browse the aisles at Target or some other shop with a coffee. No real shopping, no purpose, just wandering and looking at pretty things or smelling the candles. It's calming." — Pattie E., San Jose, California
Hot Yoga
"My weekly yoga class is essential to me. First it is time when nobody is touching me or needing me. I’m 100% there for myself and it takes concentration and being in my body. I can’t multitask, I can’t distract myself with screens, I have to be present and attuned to what I’m feeling. Getting practice at feeling my feelings is really helpful for me." — Ashley R., Topeka, Kansas
Like a Toddler
"When I’m overwhelmed or about to lose it, I treat myself like I would treat my toddler: I put myself in time out. I go sit in a quiet room for a few minutes or I tag out with my husband and put myself down for a nap. We all need help to regulate our emotions sometimes." — Edie F., Duluth, Minnesota
True Self-Care
"I sit down with a book and a cup of tea every morning (after the kids go to school on weekdays). It’s true self-care (not consumerism masquerading as self-care), and it pushes all the right buttons to make me feel like a whole person." — Leah, Oakland, California
Therapy
"Honestly, for me, there is no substitute for therapy and taking my meds. Having a therapist gives me the space to process the fact that life is really hard right now. I've struggled with anxiety and it has been really bad since the pandemic and I know that I can't white knuckle my way through it. I need the help of a team and that team includes my therapist, my doctor, my friends, and my husband." — Name withheld by request
Diamond Painting
"I have a hard time being still. I don't relax very well. So I do a lot of small crafts and am kind of obsessed with those diamond painting kits. Doing them forces me to sit still but I have something to focus on and I can get into kind of a zen zone as I work on it. It calms my brain." — Tessie C., Durham, North Carolina
Guided Meditation
"I've tried and failed to start a meditation practice for years, ever since a therapist suggested it. I could never handle it though until I figured out that I hate trying to do a silent meditation but I actually really like guided meditations. I do the ones on the Peloton app and they really work. Especially the sleep ones! Quieting my brain is a good thing for my mental health." — Lori C., St. Paul, Minnesota
Buy a Village
"We had the impeccable timing to move 1500 miles from our family and beloved circle of friends in February 2020. When the pandemic hit, we were very, very isolated. We'd lost our village. So, I decided I'd have to buy a village, basically. That included getting a roster of babysitters since I didn't have friends to swap childcare with and finding lots of summer camps for the kids until we had friends for them to play with. I'm not meant to be a full-time care giver and playmate for my kids. I need other people to give me space to breathe." — Angie N., Newton, Iowa
Lists & Planners
"I have ADHD and I find it very stressful and hard on my mental health when I'm not staying on top of my organizational stuff. I'm a diligent list maker and planner user. Not missing appointments or paying bills late helps my mental health. Being organized makes me feel stable." — Beth V., Des Moines, Iowa
Standing Date
"My husband and I have a standing sex date for Saturday nights, after the kids go to bed. Having a standing date means that we don't bicker about when the last time we had sex was or if it has been too long. Sometimes I don't have the biggest urge to have sex, but I'm always glad when we do and orgasms lead to great sleep which leads to good mental health!" — Name withheld by request
Open Water Swimming
"For me, mental health is deeply connected to swimming and being in water. I do open water swimming several times a week and it is my kind of therapy. Doing open water swimming forces me to be in the moment and to be fully present in nature. I'm most myself, most whole, when I'm under the water." — Dani F., San Diego
A Fresh Start
"Here's the thing: You can't self-care away big structural problems in your life. I protected, saved, really, my mental health by getting a divorce and having a fresh start. I couldn't take care of myself when the most important relationship in my life was a constant source of stress and anxiety. Now I keep my mental health good by not dating. I've made a vow to stay single for the next few years." — Olivia T., Tempe, Arizona
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
