All marriages go through the occasional slump. But one woman on Reddit says that in her attempt to relight the spark with her husband of six years, she inadvertently got him to admit that he's no longer attracted to her since giving birth. Needless to say, the news hit her like a ton of bricks, and she's taken to the online forum for advice on where to go from here.
In her post, the 24-year-old mother says she's been married for six years.
A little less than a year ago, she and her husband, who is now 29, welcomed their first child. But in that time, her body has gone through some major changes.
"During pregnancy I gave into my cravings and gained around 50 lbs.," the woman shared. "Pregnancy also gave me some bad stretch marks. I lost all the weight and then some, but I still have stretch marks."
Since giving birth, the couple hardly ever have sex.
She assumed it was because their baby is young and a bit clingy, so they're rarely ever alone. And even when they are, it still doesn't seem to happen.
So recently, she decided to change that.
"Yesterday, I was finally feeling really good about myself and decided to take some nude pictures and send them to him while he was at work," the woman shared.
At the time, her husband's phone was dead, so he opened them in front of her at home.
Although you might think that this sort of situation is exactly what most husbands dream of … you might want to think again.
"He looked at them for a second and then closed it out so he could go back to what he was doing," the mom shared.
(Yeah — not exactly the response she was looking for.)
"I asked him if he even looked at them," she went on. "His response was 'Yeah, you look nice.'"
The wife became so upset, she started to cry.
Then an argument ensued, and after some prying, the husband finally opened up saying, "I guess I'm just not attracted to you anymore."
The wife was beyond hurt, and now she doesn't know what to do.
In fact, it's making her feel like their marriage might be over.
"I cannot force him to be attracted to me, but it's making me feel like he is not the one for me," she wrote. "I FREAKING HAD HIS BABY!"
Overall, she says their marriage is just "okay" — not terrible, but not the best, either. And right now, it's practically nonexistent.
"I haven't seen him since the fight, I took the baby and I am at my friend's house," she continued. "I do not know what to do."
Commenters didn't hold back, with many saying the husband was a jerk.
Even though his feelings may be valid, the way he went about communicating them was not — especially since he laid all of the blame at her feet.
"There is more than one way to address this with your wife, who just bore your child," one person noted. "This is probably the cruelest."
"The problem is not the ebbing and flowing of attraction over a marriage (which happens)," the person went on. "The problem is his cruelty, and his dismissive way of pinning his marital issue, as somehow your fault and also entirely your problem."
A lot of women were really triggered by the husband's words.
"S–t, as someone who is going thru a difficult pregnancy currently … there would be a very strong possibility I would straight up murder my SO in that situation," one woman wrote.
"I know that you can't control your attraction, but holy s–t he was really mean to you," someone else added. "Is he stupid, or deliberately trying to hurt you? Either way, he's in the wrong here."
"Pretty much every woman, mother or not, has stretch marks," the person continued. "Men have stretch marks too. It's not something shameful, it just means there was a time in your life when you were bigger or smaller. He doesn't have to like them, but you don't have to be put down by a shallow [expletive]."
Some did, however, raise an inconvenient truth ...
Like it or not, this has been known to happen in some marriages.
"I have heard this story way too many times," wrote one commenter. "What even are men that are like this? Do they try to seek psychological help, or is it just 'Welp, nothing I can do about it!'"
"To be fair, witnessing a birth is in ways as gross and grotesque as it is also a miraculous event," another person argued. "I can't fault a guy (or anyone) for being somewhat traumatized by watching the mechanics of birth. I don't think many really understand what it's going to look like, and I think it can be a shocking reality. Even for women realizing some of the less appealing events that happen during birth can be a surprise (pooping during pushing, very glamorous)."
In fact, at least one woman said this happened to her too.
"I discovered that my ex husband was no longer attracted to me because he saw me in labor and delivery," the commenter shared. "Seeing the birth of his son made him no longer attracted to me."
"I'm so mad for you reading this," another person wrote in reply. "If a man got me pregnant and then said seeing me give birth to his child killed his attraction to me, I would want to launch him into the sun."
In the end, several people said the two of them need to have an honest talk.
Even if the thought of that feels painful right now.
"I suspect there might be other things at play here, aside from the stretch marks," wrote one person, who suggested couples counseling. "You said your marriage is OK, not terrible but not the best. I think you and your husband should delve into the reasons that you describe your marriage in this way."
If she does want to work on her marriage, communicating clearly — and quickly — will be the only way.
"My advice, hard-learned, is to not let this fester," wrote one person. "Be brave and tackle it now."
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