Sister relationships are unlike any others. Despite all the ups and downs, you always have a bestie to be by your side to see you through. But sometimes even the best sister relationships hit a rough patch — such as the issue one woman on Reddit is having with her own sisters, who promised to come help her after she has her baby, but now it seems like they’re coming to party instead. “I don’t know what to do or say,” the conflicted Redditor wrote.
The Original Poster wrote that she was feeling “quite upset and frustrated” about the situation.
As the OP explained in her since-deleted post on the r/JUSTNOFAMILY forum, she agreed to host her two sisters after she has a C-section this summer “believing that they were coming to meet and help with the baby.”
It will be the OP’s first baby, and she’s probably excited, but her hopes came crashing down when she recently learned her two siblings have “plans made for every day of the week they are visiting and are essentially using my place as a crash pad for their ‘vacation.’”
The OP quickly realized that she was not getting any help with her baby — and she was angry that she paid for their flights.
She explained that the move was especially hurtful in light of the fact that their mother died a few months ago and it’s been hard on her.
The mom-to-be was hoping that her sisters would help her while she’s recovering during surgery — “but they don’t seem to have any intention of this trip being about helping or supporting,” she wrote.
Her sisters have kids of their own, albeit they’re now teenagers, but they should probably know how overwhelming those first few months of motherhood can be.
That means she’s now in a really weird situation.
She doesn’t think she should cancel the trip, but she’s having a hard time figuring out how to “set boundaries” with her sisters and how to explain that they’re not there to party but to provide some help.
“I think I will need to say something closer to the trip about how I expect I will actually need some significant help and thought that was the point of the trip, but one sister in particular is very emotional and touchy and will see this as an attack,” she wrote.
And she’s angry because this puts more pressure on her spouse as well.
“My spouse was planning to return to work the week they arrived, believing that I would have a lot of help, but now that doesn’t look like it’ll be the case at all and we’re thinking he should take another two to three weeks off to be home with me.”
Some people thought she could talk things out and save the trip.
"The next time they mention an all day plan, bring up the issue politely about how will they be able to help that day with the baby," wrote one commenter. "Then see if you can start the conversation from there. May be they are expecting you to come with them on these trips with the baby, when they bring it up, act surprise[d] and ask how you will be able to go after surgery and if they will go who will help you. I hope this helps."
"You could also phrase it as 'Hey, I'm getting the feeling that you guys were looking at this more of a vacation, so I need to know what you guys were thinking so we know if my husband needs to take more time off work,' and kind of go from there?" another commenter advised. "That way it doesn't sound like you're assuming or 'accusing' them of anything.
"Then from there it should be easy to confirm," the person continued, "and if they were in fact looking at this like a vacation, you could say something like 'well, let's reschedule this visit for a time that works better for all of us, I won't be emotional, recovering from surgery, and dealing with new baby, so if we do it later in the year we can all enjoy the visit.'"
"Ask them if they are willing to: do two laundry a day plus folding. Dishes, sterilization of bottles," someone else suggested. "Meal preps — pick specific meals the[y] will get groceries for and prepare. Also shifts during the day to watch, change and feed baby."
However, some people thought she should just call it quits.
"You will be exhausted caring for two houseguests," one commenter warned.
"Tell them circumstances have changed and you can't host them, that you hope you can all catch up while they're in the area, and if you know a good hotel definitely give them the name," another person wrote. "What kind of person thinks they can use someone who just had a baby as a free B&B with laundry service?"
A third commenter didn't mince words: "Hell no. You have to take care of them on top of having a new baby?? Let them know that if they aren't there to help, they'll need to find alternate lodgings. That's so selfish of them."
But later in the thread, the OP made it clear that canceling was not an option.
"I do think this is salvageable and don’t want to cancel," she wrote in the comments section. "I’m hoping a good conversation can adjust expectations and then some strategies for how to implement it in the moment would be useful.
"I find it odd that everyone on this sub goes directly to nuclear and just cancel the trip because there appears to be a misunderstanding," she added. "These people are not monsters. I wouldn’t have invited them if they were. I just need to adjust expectations and be clear about what I will need and have a plan for how to deal with it if that doesn’t end up being the case since they arrive," she wrote.
"I do very much want my sisters here," she added elsewhere in the thread. "I just want them here to help me, not to use my place as a crash pad."
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