It’s hard to know what you’ll do when the worst happens, but one woman on Reddit sure as heck is not going to take in her dying sister’s kids. She explained the whole situation in a post that has gone viral, saying that she and her husband shouldn’t be held responsible, especially because the two were never close: “my sister is a stranger,” she wrote.
The Original Poster’s sister was recently diagnosed with brain stem glioma.
“Apparently it’s big and untreatable due to the location,” she wrote in a post on Reddit's AITA forum. According to Cancer.gov, brain stem glioma is when benign or malignant cells form in the tissues of the brain. In this case, the tissue was malignant.
“I’m not sure how long she has, but most likely it will shorten her life span by a significant amount,” the OP wrote. “Apparently she’s already experiencing some bad symptoms.”
Because of her diagnosis, the OP’s sister has asked her to take custody of her kids once she dies.
Her sister has a 6-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn, and it really seems like the OP is her last choice.
“No we don’t have family, and her ex-husband wants nothing to do with the kids since she had cheated on him for years with many men and they aren’t his,” she explained. “She doesn’t know who the dad is.”
Both the OP and her husband are child-free, and they’re happy that way.
The OP thought it was unfair to ask her husband to take on kids knowing that children were never in their plans.
“We both agreed to no kids when we got married; to change something like that generally means a divorce,” she wrote.
She also objected to her sister’s desire for her kids to have a religious upbringing.
“I am atheist, my sister wants me to raise them religious and to 'know god' and take them to church. No,” she added.
The OP also lives in a country where English isn’t the primary language, and she thought it would be too hard to help the kids learn the native language.
Her third reason for turning down her sister’s kids has everything to do with their own childhood.
“Six year age gap meant we didn’t really grow up together; and the memories I do have, she was always awful to me — like cynical,” she explained. “And After she moved out at 18 we haven’t talked once besides at my parents' funeral. I don’t even know her kids let alone her.”
When she told her no, the OP’s sister cried and called her “awful.”
“But it’s my life, and ultimately I get to be selfish with it,” the OP reasoned, “a child isn’t a 18 year commitment; it’s lifelong, and one I have decided not to take.”
“She cheated with multiple different men and lost her husband; I don’t think it’s my job to swoop in and save her from consequences of her own actions. I don’t feel like I owe her anything,” she added.
Not everyone saw it that way, however. Several of her sister’s friends have called the OP and told her that she needs to “step up” for her sister.
“I just feel like she’s trying to use me as her ticket out to dying and not feeling guilty,” the OP admitted.
Many people agreed: The OP didn't owe her sister anything.
“You didn't sign up to take on her kids," wrote one commenter. "My husband and I are child free, but we have god children that would be entrusted to us if anything happened to their parents. We chose that, but if we hadn't, there is no way we would just agree to it. Just because you're family, doesn't mean you're obligated to do anything for anyone. If you do something, it should be because you chose to."
“If you don’t know these children at all, I don’t see why your sister would want you to be their guardian," someone else commented. "How could they possibly be comfortable with you after the loss of their mother? These so-called friends of hers would be better suited if they have an established relationship with the children."
Another commenter put it this way: "[Not the A–hole]. I feel bad for your sister but now is the time to buy some ancestry DNA kits in order to search for those kids' father(s)."
On the other hand, some people think she is being selfish.
“[You're the A–hole] — morally, I think you have an obligation to family. I don’t think you’re wrong but I do think you’re not a nice person," someone explained. "That being said I don’t think you’re a bad person either for not wanting to when you could. Also you’re whole attitude towards your DYING sister and her soon to be seemingly orphaned children is just really abhorrent. Honestly this seems like the tragic background origin story for these kids."
"[You're the A–hole] and a wee bit of a snarky one," another person commented. You’re child free — cool your decision. Most likely wise because I agree with you that you and husband wouldn’t be good parents. I haven’t seen my brother in 18 years. If he called me up and said take my baby I would without hesitation. But that’s me."
"I can only imagine the horror your sister must feel facing death and knowing her children are going to be left alone in the world," someone else chimed in.
An edit to the OP's post shows her decision seems final: "I will not be taking in the kids."
The OP swore that she wasn't punishing or judging her sister for being promiscuous. She just wanted to explain why the kids' dads couldn't take them.
"It’s because my sister is a stranger," she wrote with finality. "I haven’t talked to her in over 10 years. I’ve never met her or her kids — and I do not want kids. My husband (yes, we talked) would leave.
"My sister doesn’t deserve to die, and her kids don’t deserve their fate, but realistically their un-biological father is the one who needs to step up; not me," she added.
She also mentioned that she has mental health issues that would prevent her "from ever being a good parent."
"I have OCD, not the “I like my house clean” ocd, but where I need to shut a door several times until it’s completely shut, or noises like dripping water drive me insane," she shared. She asked Redditors to "imagine having a new born when sound can drive you mentally insane — it’s debilitating."
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